9*30*04

I'm at school.  Some computers here have FrontPage, and some don't.  I lucked out.  Today is the only day this week I had a moment to myself.  I got to sleep until 10.  It was glorious.  Then I took my time getting ready and went into Manhattan to run some errands and have lunch at Zen Palate.  I also bought my Cramps ticket.  I'm still not sure if Katrina is gonna go, but Chris is going in any case.  My internship went a lot better yesterday.  I got to work in the arson division.  Their instruments there are about 20 years newer than the ones we use in school.  I was practically drooling over them.  I felt like such a geek.  I got a card with my name on it that says I'm an intern in the Forensic Investigations Division with the NYPD seal.  Now I feel super cool.  Plus it lets me have access to two floors of the place.  And I just learned we can wear jeans to work, which makes me extremely happy because now I'll save myself  the $100 I'd have spent buying business clothes.  Of course now I'll just spend $100 on normal clothes instead.  Ah well.

Geoff informed me this morning that Morrissey played Bigmouth Strikes Again in a recent concert.  I almost peed my pants.  If he were to play that when I see him, it would make the $75 I spent worth it and then some. 

I don't have many plans this weekend.  But I arranged it that way because I've had such a hectic week.  I just hope come the weekend I won't be all sad I don't have anything to do.  Saturday I have a lot of errands to run.  Errands that would be made 98% easier if I had a car.  I have a lot of heavy things I need to carry.  Anyone who wants to drive me around town, give a holler.  Saturday evening Chris is going to see Shaun of the Dead with me.  There's a million movies coming out that I want to see.  They're all in last weeks Time Out NY.  I forget what they are now.  I'll write them down later. 

I know what I'm going to be for Halloween.  I'm not writing it down here though because I don't want any of you stealing my idea.  I told Katrina and she wanted to take it.  Granted I sorta "borrowed" the idea from a TV show I saw at least 7 years ago.  But still!  Anyway, I'll post pictures in a month.  I guess I'll go work out now.  I'm crazy on the elliptical trainer.  Crazy! 

9*28*04

Pet peeves: when people take up the whole sidewalk with their friends and don't bother to move when they see me coming the other way, when people sit next to me that cannot fit in the space provided on the subway causing us both to be uncomfortable, when I feel the bare skin of the person sitting next to me touching my bare skin, when someone sitting next to me on the subway radiates intense body heat, when people can't keep their friggen hands still on the vertical handrail on the subway and it slides down and touches mine, when people talk really loud like anyone wants to hear what they're saying, when people talk obnoxiously loud into their cell phones like the person on the other end might have a pillow between their ear and the phone, when people walk slow in front of me and zig zag left and right so I get cut off in every attempt to pass them, when I come home and my mail box is wide open, when my white towels in the bathroom turn brown (?), when the holes in my Converse let in all the rain water, when people eat food that emanates stench throughout the whole subway car, when people sing along to whatever they're listening to on the subway, Chinatown, rich people, cat shit, cat hair, crowded sidewalks, the stench of meat in the street, people who stop short while they're walking causing me to crash into them, when weird men try and talk to me....

Oh there's more where that came from. I just felt like venting. I have to go to bed at 10 PM now so I can get up at 6:30 AM to be at my internship at 9. There's another pet peeve to add to the list: going to bed and waking up early. Hurry up and make it the weekend already!

9*27*04

For you!

9*27*04

I'm so tired. I got back from Jersey around 11:30 last night. I hate NJ Transit! That's why I never go to my mom's anymore. But I did have a fun time with my mom yesterday, and I enjoyed seeing Katrina Saturday night. I just wish I had more time to spend with Katrina so we could have gone to some flea markets. I'll have to make it a point to visit soon so we can do that. Katrina said she'd also like to come up here and see The Cramps with me at Irving Plaza. I'm looking forward to that.

My internship on Friday was pretty boring. The guy I was supposed to meet with at noon wasn't even in for the day. No one knew where I was supposed to go or what to do with me. So I pretty much listened to people talk all day and watched them do really boring things like seal up a box with tape for a half hour. One thing I gained from the whole experience is that I now know I never want to work for the NYPD forensic lab. Working there for one day just makes CSI's portrayal of all that shit that much funnier and ridiculous.

I had fun with Courtney on Friday night. We found a suction cup arrow in the bathroom of a bar we were at and took some pictures of it stuck to various things...mostly Courtney's head. I'll post those when I get home. There're so many things I wanted to do this week that I don't see happening: clean my apartment, see Shaun of the Dead, have dinner with Melissa, have Adam come up and visit me this weekend, watch Kill Bill Volume II which I just bought, and watch my netflix DVD's. I was gonna work out after work, but I'm too tired. I guess I'll go home and do Pilates or something. I remember my ex, Rob, once tried to do Pilates with me and was in agony. It's funny how inflexible most guys are.

I was thinking this morning that I've had six relationships since I was 18. Of those six, I've met only two of them without the help of the internet. So I don't know whether the internet is a curse or a blessing in these matters. In one aspect it's helped me meet so many people; on the other hand nothing has ever worked out with any of the guys I've ever met off this thing. But things didn't work out with the two guys I met through random coincidence either, so I guess I can't blame the internet for that entirely. But my longest relationship was with one of the people I didn't meet off the internet--15 months with Adam (the one who was going to come visit me this weekend). Are there any connections in any of this? Probably not. Just food for thought.

9*22*04

I've been crazy busy all week. It's kind of nice in some ways. I don't have any time to really screw around anymore. Except right now before I go to bed. I have season 2 of The Simpsons waiting for me to watch, but I don't even know when that's possible. How tragic.

So tomorrow night I'm gonna grab a few drinks with Melissa after my Hitchcock class (we're watching North By Northwest). Friday I have my internship at noon and then I'm going out with Courtney at night. Saturday I'm going to crappy New Jersey to celebrate my mom's 50th birthday. It was actually last Saturday, but she went away. Then after my mom falls asleep around 10ish, I'm hanging out with Katrina. Sunday I'll hang out with my mom some more and then I'll come back here. I guess that's when I can watch The Simpsons.

It's a damn shame that no where in my schedule can I fit time in to see Shaun of the Dead on opening weekend. I'll have to hold off until later on next week. Chris said he'd see it with me if he thought it was any good the first time around. What a sport. So Thursday, Friday and Saturday will involve somewhat high levels of intoxication, and Sunday I'll take a break. Well I can't go too crazy tomorrow night anyway; I don't want to go to the first day of my internship hungover. I was gonna wear a skirt that day, but I want to make sure I'm all settled in before I start flashing my shitty tattoo. I find it odd I am working for the NYPD and they haven't even run a background check on me. All my other friends at school who applied for internships got extensive ones and polygraph tests. Interesting, no?

9*20*04

Wow I just got a call back from the NYPD and I got an internship in their crime lab!  I start Friday.  When I was interviewed last month, the woman pretty much made it out to seem like I wouldn't get it because of my grades.  But, lucky for me, pretty much no one else applied for it.  So, aside from being extremely tired, this day is looking up.  Of course there is the added stress now of trying to fit in enough lab time at school between working part-time and having an internship.  Oh well.  I'll figure it out somehow.  And now I can graduate in May with the rest of my class in Madison Square Garden.  My mother will be very pleased. 

Arg, now I have to go buy business clothes.  Bah!

9*20*04

It's almost 2 in the morning, but I can't fall asleep. I've been writing this over and over in my head. I'm hoping if I actually get it written down I can fall asleep. Only one way to find out.

I'm sure everyone who looks at this site is sick of reading about this, and I'm sure my friends are sick of hearing about it. I'm even sick of writing about it. But this will hopefully be among the last times I do. I hung out with Gavin after the Smiths thing on Friday night. I think I would have handled it better afterwards had I not felt there was something deeper going on between us that I know (or thought I knew) wasn't coming from just me. But he confirmed what I didn't want to hear tonight by letting me know that nothing has changed. I guess the main reason I haven't been able to let go these past few months is because I wasn't allowing myself to. I kept holding onto some hope that things could be different when certain circumstances had changed. But I've now exhausted that avenue and every other one. There is nothing left to hope for concerning us. And now I really need to let myself move on.

I have never gone through heartbreak so many times with one person. In all fairness to him though, this last time is all my doing. Me and my delusional way of thinking. But maybe this time around it won't be as bad since I'm not playing this waiting game anymore. Hope can be a terrible thing sometimes. Even if it is just a tiny bit. Somehow that little bit got magnified in my mind and became something to cling to. But now that is gone. So maybe this time I am done with it all for good. That is what I can now hope for. And maybe when I finally fall asleep I'll wake up feeling just a little bit less sad. And the next day after that, the same, and so on....

9*18*04

It's amazing how one feeling for a person can be so strong that any and all reason does not exist. I don't understand it. It makes my head forget the things I should be angry about. All I can see when I look at this person is what I feel in my heart. It fills me with weakness. I can't think straight. And I'm thankful and bitter about it at the same time.

The Smiths/Morrissey thing last night was only ok. I'm not nuts about 18 and over gigs. I didn't know that beforehand. I guess I'd probably still have gone anyway had I known. I dunno. I guess I'm just being an elitist fuck.

Tonight I had dinner with Geoff and then we saw Hero. It was alright. Had some really pretty scenes, but the plot left something to be desired. Plus I don't like how sword fighters are blessed with the gift of flight. It doesn't make sense. They're fighting all intense and then all of a sudden they start flying. It looks kind of ridiculous if you ask me. Go on, ask me!

9*16*04

What was in my mailbox was neither good nor for me.  It was an empty food container which once contained pineapple chunks.  A gift from my mailman I guess.  What an asswipe.  I'll have his head for this.

September is flying by.  I haven't even thought about what I'm gonna be for Halloween!  This is tragic.  I could just be the Bride of Frankenstein again.  But I dunno.  Being a zombie a few years ago was fun.  But I feel like that's going to be done to death this year with all the recent zombie flicks.  Whatever I end up being has to be scary and/or gross.  I'm open to suggestions.  Send them to my myspace account.  I'll give you a lollipop from my bank if I decide to use your idea.  Maybe two if it's especially good.

My boss is tired and out of it which means he'll be off in another world today while I sit here and do things like update my website.  That's always nice.  I'm looking forward to taking it easy tonight.  I should be getting some Netflix movies in the mail, plus I don't have to go into work until noon tomorrow.  I'm trying to get through Fellini's 8 1/2, but it's boring and I don't get it.  I'm not extremely good at dissecting symbolism.  And when the whole movie is nothing but symbolism and metaphors, I'm at a loss.  Same thing happened when I saw the Seventh Seal.  I ended up viewing it MST3K style.  If you don't know what I mean by that, I pity you.  Just kidding.  But you really should know.

9*15*04

Hmmm I got home and something large in my mailbox is preventing me from unlocking it. I hope it's for me and I hope it's something good. Otherwise I'm yelling at the mailman for overstuffing my box for the millionth time. I had a pretty productive day off. I went shopping but didn't buy anything, went to Zen Palate for lunch and bumped into my boss while he was leaving, saw The Village finally and then worked out at school. Even though everyone told me The Village sucked, I still had a desire to see it. It wasn't scary, and the "twist" wasn't really that twisted and somewhat predictable. But compared to the last two movies I saw in the theater (AVP and Resident Evil) it wasn't bad.

Tonight I'm meeting up with Courtney. We haven't hung out in a while. She's been really busy with school and her new job. Tomorrow I'd like to go to open bar, but I don't have anyone to go with. I guess it's better that way since I'm going out the next night. Speaking of which, I've had two people inform me of the Morrissey/Smiths night as if I might not already know. C'mon people! I'm a total geek when it comes to this stuff. Of course I know.

I went to lab yesterday morning only to find out lab doesn't open until one in the afternoon on Tuesdays. That sucked. But I finally finished the lab I was working on. They gave us a fingerprint and we had to go through about 50 of our classmates fingerprint cards to try and find a match. It was actually kind of fun...compared to describing one bullet for an hour. Anyway I found my match. My fingerprint match that is. Ok, I guess I should shower and get ready and call Courtney now. I'm starting to fade, so I guess I should get coffee as well. Bah.

9*13*04

Even though I already spent way too much money to see Morrissey 3 times back in May, and I said I wouldn't spend more to see him in October, I'm going to anyway.  Carlos bought two tickets for the Sunday show at Radio City Music Hall, so I said I'd go.  Our seats aren't terrific, but oh well.  I think Morrissey owes it to me and countless other fans who spent too much money on tickets to do something extraordinary at the show.  Maybe he can announce that he really is gay, or do an entire Smiths set, or serenade me on stage...something.

Friday night there's a Morrissey/Smiths night at Luke and Leroy's which I've been planning on going to for over a month.  I'm looking forward to that.  The rest of the week is pretty much up in the air though.  I have no school Wednesday-Friday, but I have to work two of those days.  I'm trying to be more tolerant of my boss because he said he'd give me a raise, but he wants me to be nicer to him.  It's a two-way street, but I'll see what I can do.  I wasn't always mean to him; when I first started working here I put up with all his shit.  I think 6 months down the line is when I finally snapped and realized that's pretty much the only way I can communicate with him where he'll actually listen somewhat.

I'm not looking forward to working 8 hours and then going to lab for 3 hours today.  Tomorrow I'll be in lab all day, but somewhere in there I need to go vote and work out.  I'm so happy the gym at school is open longer now that school is in session.  I'm gonna get pumped and enter a body building contest.  Not really.  But I will lose ten pounds.  You'll see!

9*12*04

I finally bought Bjork's new album last week and I'm obsessed with the last song, Triumph of a Heart. I walked around the Union Square area today in step to that song on repeat. Go download it if you don't own the album. Keep in mind the entire song is all vocals. It's pretty amazing.

As promised, here's nudity:

9*12*04

I really hate my inability to sleep late. I got home at 5 this morning and would have liked to have slept until at least 12, but instead I am up at 10. Oh well, I'll just have to take a nap later. So Resident Evil II was pretty cheesy, but I was expecting that. I was not expecting a big fight to break out in the theater though. There was a group of about 5 teenagers in the theater who were talking ridiculously loud as soon as they sat down. Everyone pretty much tolerated it until the movie started, then random people started shouting shut up. But the kids would just tell them to shut up right back. At one point someone screamed shut up and the whole theater applauded. Usually that would make any normal person shut the fuck up, but these kids were abnormally obnoxious and kept at it. So it was already about 3 minutes into the movie and everyone was still screaming at these kids; all eyes were on them instead of the screen. Even people in the balcony rushed to the edge to see what was happening. Finally some ushers came and stood by the kids and I guess told them to be quiet or they'd be thrown out. I didn't hear one peep out of them after that, but when Jim and I left the theater and entered the lobby the security was going apeshit and calling for all sorts of backup because a huge fight had broke out when the credits started rolling. That was the most ridiculous movie-going experience I've ever had.

Last night I went out with Carlos. I haven't had that much fun in a while. We went to this dance night called the Panty Party at Opaline. I've known about it for a while, but I was always under the impression everyone had to wear their underwear there. And since that is something I would not do, I've never gone. But it turned out there were only a handful of people in their underwear. I danced non-stop for a good two hours. There were some go-go dancers on platforms that were pretty entertaining. And there was a strip contest towards the end of the night (don't worry, I took pictures). We left around 3 and got pizza. Since the pizza place was near Lit, we went there for about a half hour or so and danced in the basement to stuff like the Supremes and the Isley Brothers. Then we finally went home. It was a very good night.

Now that the college kids are back in town, the bar scene is insanely crowded. Stupid out-of-towners. I wish I had pancake mix. I'd give anything for some pancakes! But toast will have to do for now. I'll post those naked pictures later when I don't feel dehydrated, hungry and tired.

9*10*04

A few nights ago I had a dream I was eating dinner with Scarlett Johansson in some swanky restaurant. She was eating escargot and I think I was just watching her eat. The waitress came over to ask us if everything was alright, and Scarlett looked at us and said, "I think I'm gonna throw up." I thought she was joking, but then she started making this demonic hacking noise and a watery green substance shot out of her mouth and onto the table. It was only about a tablespoon's worth of vomit. We all stared at it and then the waitress burst out laughing and ran away. That is all I remember. Where the hell did that come from!? My subconscious is weird.

I went to open bar at Lit last night and ended up kissing a boy from Seattle. I feel weird about that. I've never kissed a random person before. I think Gavin is the only one I've ever kissed upon meeting for the first time. And since we ended up in a relationship, I don't count that as kissing a random person. I don't really regret kissing that boy last night, but I really wish I hadn't done it in the middle of the bar. That's just embarrassing. I wasn't thinking straight I guess. But I was thinking straight enough to tell him he couldn't come home with me when he asked.

Tonight is my movie date. I don't know what to wear. I'm thinking jeans and a top with shoes. Well whatever I'm wearing I need to decide soon because I have to leave for work in an hour. The good news is we have the tickets for Resident Evil already, so I don't have to worry about it selling out. I think the theater we're going to is the same one where I saw The Others. If that's the case, then this theater is probably the biggest one I've ever been to. The enormity of it is almost scary...if I was the type that got scared. But I'm not, of course. Ok, gotta get ready.

9*07*04

One day I'd like to know how anyone can go from telling you they loved you and were completely enamored with you, to ignoring you and just being downright mean to you for no reason. I'd like to know what it takes for someone to do that. I know I could never do that. I can see if someone wanted to move on, and needed all traces of the person they said they loved out of their life so they can forget what a big fucking liar they are. I understand that, and would see no problem with being able to obligingly comply. But when they have to go about this removal process with a series of low blows and treating you like dirt...I just don't get it. Because then they just upset said person and make them have multiple setbacks in what was otherwise promising to be a smooth heartbreak recovery. And doesn't that sort of defeat the purpose if the liar just wanted the other person to be done with them?

Of course I don't actually know anyone who's had the extreme displeasure of being in this situation. It's just a random fucking thought in my head!

9*06*04

Who is Jonathan?  Somehow he got on the contacts list in my cell phone.  I don't remember ever seeing it before now, and can't even remember putting it in my phone.  Oooh wait a minute, I think I just remembered.  Delete.

I am at work while everyone else is not.  But I chose to come in.  While most people get paid to stay home today, I do not.  And being that this is a part time job and Monday is one of the days I normally work, here I am.  The morning started off with me wanting to kill my boss, but he has left me alone since then and now it's almost time to go home.  I called my mom at one point to express my desire to punch my boss and I think I startled her.  I forgot who I was talking to for a second.  I think I'll look for a new job when I go home...if I don't forget or flake out. 

The highlight of my weekend was painting a wall in my living room red (see below).  I like it ok.  This week looks like it will be a bit more exciting than last.  I may go to a Buzzcocks night on Wednesday, I'm definitely going to open bar Thursday, and then I have my movie date Friday night.  Saturday I'll most likely drag Carlos out with me somewhere...if that's ok with him.  Plus I'm super busy with lab all week.  More writing four-hour descriptions on five tiny objects--in this case paper shreds.  #*$&*@&

9*03*04

This is the last night I stay inside in the name of sickness...ever. My magical multi-vitamins will see to that. I've taken them three days in a row so far. This is a record for me. I'm not actually feeling sick at all, but I just wanted to give it one more night to make sure. Plus I have to get up somewhat early tomorrow to go into lab for a little bit. I don't want to fall behind. I spent Thursday afternoon examining bullets and writing down every single friggen detail about them. It was so boring and tedious. I think I spent two hours describing five bullets. My Hitchcock class, however, is awesome. We get to watch a Hitchcock movie every class and only have to write three essays--that's the whole class! And surpisingly I haven't seen all of the movies. But I've seen most of them. There are only about six other kids in my class; I really thought that class would be filled to capacity. Anyway, I'm so passionate about this class that I was the only one who took notes all throughout our viewing of The Birds. I wish I was that way about my major. Sigh.

Tomorrow I plan to go out and get silly drunk. But tonight I watched disc two of season 1 of The Simpsons. I recalled season 1 sucking, but it has all the classics I'd forgotten about. For instance, "Oh, look at me! I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from Happyland in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Laaane!" Brilliant. Jeez I'm a geek. But I am not alone...oh no.

So it looks like I may have a date next Friday night to see Resident Evil II. Assuming plans work out, this will be my first date since I met Gavin in March. But since my date lives in Rhode Island, everything is all very friendly-like. Otherwise we'd hump in the bathroom before the movie started. Just kidding. I don't think I'd want to go on a date if it had a chance to be something more anyway. I don't know when I'll be ready for that again. Maybe never! Maybe when I'm done with school. Who knows? Who cares!?

Some pictures to occupy your eyes:

9*01*04

Ah a new month, almost a new season, and a new school year. While I'm not so thrilled about that last one, it does feel nice to be able to start things fresh again. I can take this opportunity to forget all about what's-his-name and focus on other things more worthwhile, like painting my living room red. My strep throat is practically gone. I have to start eating better though, and I started taking multi-vitamins today for the first time. I think that's why I keep getting sick so much. I'm a bad vegetarian. My doctor told me so. Speaking of which, I think I have a little crush on him. He's just such a dork with his little clip on bow tie.

I have been super lazy today. I haven't left the apartment yet, and probably won't until tomorrow morning when I go to my first day of classes. This is my farewell to lazy days day. A drink would usually be in order, but I'd rather not relapse and get strep throat again. So next week I will be attending open bar after classes. I've been watching the first disc of season 1 of The Simpsons. Did you know Smithers was black for the first few shows? I didn't. Tomorrow night is my first Hitchcock class! I am so excited. I'm gonna crush those other kids with my advanced knowledge on the subject. And bring my GPA back up in the process.

Aside from all the drama last weekend, I actually did go out and have fun for some of it. Friday night I had drinks with Dima at Odessa's. Saturday night I watched Chris play with his band for the first time at Otto's Shrunken Head, then Carlos and I headed to Lit to see if they were playing good music. They were not, so we decided to venture over to the west side and check out Luke and Leroys. Their Saturday night event, Misshapes, is known for being a big dance party. And since Gavin's, I mean what's-his-name's, retarded friends hang out there, I usually try to stay away. But we wanted to dance, and I wanted to see if it was as stupid as I thought it would be. I have never bore witness to such a plastic group of people in my life. I can't believe those kids take themselves seriously. Aside from that, they do play good music, so we stayed and danced for a little bit. Sunday is when I started feeling ill, so I moped around inside all day. I have pictures from the past few weeks that I've been meaning to post. I'll get around to it eventually. Patience. 

This girl is a nerd, get me outta here