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I woke up at 4:45 this morning and ran around Prospect Park. It didn't really get light out until around 5:20, so I was a little worried at first, but there were a few other people running in there as well...not that that makes it any safer. Melissa told me tonight that there's been a bunch of muggings there recently. People are mugged everywhere all the time though, so I don't know that I'm going to let that stop me from continuing to run there in the morning. But perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to run with mace in my pocket. I had a date on Monday night. We just went to a local bar and hung out. I don't know if this one is going to go anywhere, but we're going to go on another date, so I guess I'll see. I think I'm back in my happy-to-be-single state of mind, which can sometimes be hard for me to get out of even if I do meet someone I like. It's so much easier being unattached. I know life's not always supposed to be easy and yadda yadda, but right now I'd like it to be a little less complicated if I can help it. As for the excess money I didn't know what to do with, it turns out I don't have as much as I thought I do. I'm financially stable, but it doesn't look like I can go on any crazy shopping sprees like I previously thought. Oh well, not a huge deal. Also, my talk with that motorcycle club had absolutely no effect whatsoever. They were the loudest they've ever been that night I spoke with them. I called 311 and filed a noise complaint, and I actually called 311 again tonight to follow up with my complaint. They told me the cops checked it out around 4 AM and didn't find anyone outside. Of course they didn't, I filed the complaint at fucking midnight! 311 is such a joke. 05*27*06 I think there's some sort of motorcycle club a few buildings down from me. I don't really have a problem with them except for when they let their motorcycles sit and idle loudly at all hours of the day and night. I can put up with them coming and going, but not that. I've been telling myself to say something to them for a while now, but haven't found an opportune moment. However, tonight I was walking home and saw about seven of them outside talking. I walked into my building, then walked back out and mustered up all the feminine charm I have. I smiled and said hello and told them of my problem, and then told them how much I'd appreciate if they didn't do that. They kind of acted like they didn't know what I was talking about, but agreed nonetheless, and were actually somewhat friendly. Anyway, I feel proud of myself. I've had so many donors the past few weeks. I find myself exhausted quite frequently, but at least my next paycheck should be pretty sick. I decided to allow myself to go clothes shopping and spend more than I normally would. Only problem is I can't find anything I like. I always see stuff I want when I can't afford it! I suppose I can be responsible and pay off my credit cards and pay a little more than I usually do of my student loan balance. But I really want new clothes too! I already have money saved for vacation, but I have no one to go with. I'm actually considering going somewhere alone--perhaps Montreal. I realize having a lot of money and not knowing how to spend it is not a real problem, but I suppose I'm just kind of dumbfounded by it; this is not a predicament I usually find myself in. I had a donor yesterday who had already had an autopsy. For some reason they just left his chest open (maybe that's what they always do, but I'm used to organ donors having their chests sewed back up). He was basically hollowed out, but it was just neat to stare into someone's chest. A few of the autopsy assistants watched me do my procedure and got a little skeeved out. As I was cutting around the cornea I commented how the eye looked almost fake to me. One of the assistants disagreed as she made a disgusted face at the donor's eye. I'll never understand how that woman can remove a deceased person's bowels and empty out the feces during an autopsy with no problem, yet seeing an eye cut open is gross to her. 05*22*06 I've mentioned before how difficult it can sometimes be for me to take blood from donors. In general I've gotten much better at it, but not too long ago I encountered some difficulties with a particular donor at a funeral home. I was trying to take blood from the subclavian vein (right by the clavicle) and was sucking up a lot of what I thought to be fat (which isn't uncommon), but not a whole lot of blood. When I tried to put what little blood I had managed to draw into a vacutainer tube, the needle seemed to be clogged. I switched needles twice and had the same problem. The funeral home director saw that I was having trouble and volunteered to help. I was pretty frustrated at that point, so I stepped aside and let him try. He took a surgical blade and cut the donor open just below the clavicle bone (apparently they have to do this to embalm). I was NOT expecting him to do that. He then stuck his gloved hand inside the 4-inch incision and proceeded to repeatedly jerk the skin back. He told me, "No wonder you couldn't get any blood, it's all cancer over here," and showed me by poking it with his blade. He cut through the cancer and eventually found a tiny vein for me. I still couldn't get blood from it though, and ended up just using the femoral vein by the upper thigh. It occurred to me later on that my needle wasn't clogged with fat, but with cancer. So my date didn't pan out tonight, but I think I'm meeting someone else I'm more interested in next week. Otherwise I've been feeling quite content as of late, and I think I might actually sew something this weekend! With Brook's supervision of course. 05*20*06 I just got back from a BBQ in Carroll Gardens with Alex, her husband and their friend. I ate so much I feel like I'm going to explode. Brook and I were supposed to have a clothes and shoe shopping spree this evening, followed by drinks. But the BBQ ran later than I thought, and Brook is hungover. So I suppose after I awaken from a food coma, we'll just meet up for drinks and possibly karaoke. We decided we'll shop tomorrow at a street fair in Park Slope and some places in Manhattan. I need new clothes! I think I have a date on Monday. I was excited to meet this guy at first, but he takes three days to respond to every e-mail I write him (not that there's been that many). It's kind of annoying. I suppose that's not entirely indicative of what kind of person he is. Only one way to find out. Oh boy I ate too much. Ughhhh. 05*16*06 So here are the not-so-long-awaited pictures of my apartment. I just ordered a frame to hang a picture above my bed, so the excessive white space is not permanent. Decorating this place has been like what I imagine cramming 20 clowns into a small car must be like. But I think I'm pretty much done with everything except for a few minor details like a new lamp shade, throw pillow covers and bedding. I'm such a decor whore.
05*16*06 I forgot to mention that I ended up DJing by myself for six hours on Friday night because JR got food poisoning or something. Melissa was a good sport and stuck with me the whole time. She also picked a few songs off her iPod to play before it died. All in all it was a good night; I had more than one person come up to me and compliment my set. One girl even said, "my boyfriend and I just agreed that you have the best playlist in the city." I doubt that, but it was nice to hear. I started running out of things I wanted to play around 3, but there was hardly anyone there anyway, so it didn't matter too much. And since I flew solo I got paid in full, in addition to finding a twenty dollar bill in the cab home. And since my supervisor encouraged me to fight my $90 ticket, I suppose losing the $40 on the Goldfrapp ticket isn't too horrible. But it still sucks. I think I'll post pictures of my apartment later. 05*15*06 Aww, I was just sitting at my desk and I noticed my next door neighbor's cat was at my windowsill and Milo and him were rubbing their faces and paws on the window to each other. It was so cute it made me forget about my troubles. I love my neighbor's cat. One day I'm gonna open up my window and steal him. 05*15*06 So obviously my server was down for most of the weekend and today. Who knows why? I thought I had lost all my entries from this month and last, but thankfully I found them on my computer. However, my $40 Goldfrapp ticket for tonight seems to be eternally lost. I'm not so much disappointed that I won't be able to see her, because truth be told I lost the desire to prior to realizing the ticket was lost, and was going to sell it before the show. I'm just extremely annoyed I'm losing fucking $40 on this and I have to pay a $90 traffic ticket from a few weeks ago for making what was apparently an illegal right turn at an intersection where the light was green and both streets were two-way. I don't know why I didn't tell the cop I had just done a recovery on a toddler and my mind was elsewhere because of it, so I happened to miss any signs that would have told me a right turn was illegal. I suppose I felt bad using the kid's death as an excuse to get out of a ticket...even if it was the truth. And now I'm $90 in the hole. Oh wait, $130! It's so frustrating to work hard only to lose money on crap this stupid. 05*11*06 I've had the most vivid dreams the past two nights. Tuesday night I had three dreams. First I dreamed that I had a donor who died of leukemia and their corneas were used for transplant. A few days later it hit me that leukemia is a rule-out for transplant, and me and another co-worker were freaking out and trying to figure out how to cover up the mistake. In my second dream I saw the back of a head that belonged to a girl I haven't spoken to since high school. She was standing on the street at what seemed like some kind of carnival. We got to talking and decided to head over to a tent which contained a few couches and a big screen TV. As soon as we sat down, the other people in the tent left. Next thing I knew an ex from a few years ago walked in and sat on a couch diagonal to us. When he and I both realized we were in the same room together, we laughed nervously. Eventually we started talking and flirted a little bit. Somehow I knew his entourage was on their way over, so I bid him farewell and began to leave just as his girlfriend walked in. We exchanged dirty looks, she went over to him and I left. In my third dream Stephen Colbert was madly in love with me even though we had just met (can you blame him?). He kept calling me Suzie and wanted to marry me. So we got married. He was a doting husband who lovingly attended to my every desire. Then I woke up and realized that's my real life. Last night I dreamed about me and a group of friends I don't know in real life planning a huge Halloween gathering. We had some sort of a sleepover so we could get dressed up the next day, but somehow things got botched up. I don't really remember that dream as well as the others. But another dream I had one of the past two nights came back to me as I was typing this; it involved some sort of eerie castle and an evil witch. The only thing I remember vividly about it is being shown a gargoyle choir. What could it all mean? Tomorrow I'm DJing at Black & White on 10th Street near 4th Avenue in Manhattan from 10:30 until closing. Stop by and give me your interpretations on my dreams. Or just come to drink and dance. Whichever. 05*09*06 Today I had a donor two hours away in Long Island. We didn't get the consent until around 1 in the afternoon though, and since the corneal preservation time limit was nearing, I had to go even though my shift was ending in 3 hours. I didn't mind too much...even if it did make me miss the first 40 minutes of the Gilmore Girls season finale. I least I get to leave work early tomorrow. Luckily I remembered to bring my iTrip so I could listen to my iPod in the car on my way to the hospital and back. While perusing my list of artists, I came across Piebald and thought "What the hell?" So I proceeded to play Grace Kelly With Wings, and was overcome with an intense nostalgia. It's been almost 7 years since I first saw Piebald play at the Melody Bar in New Brunswick. I hadn't even heard of Piebald before then, but my boyfriend at the time, Adam, brought me along anyway. I immediately became a fan after that show. Like most music I own, listening to this band brought back memories of everything I was experiencing at a time when I listened to their albums religiously. I had just started my first serious relationship which would last 15 months (a record which still hasn't been broken), and I had just started college; I was happy with my newfound love and freedom (before I became a slave to college lab work). I thought I had everything figured out. I almost feel now that the older I get, the less I feel like I really have anything figured out. Perhaps part of maturing is being able to admit that. As I was reminiscing, I felt somewhat sad about my break-up with Adam. Although, it was probably the most amicable break up I've ever had; we just grew apart. But I guess I felt sad knowing now that it was just the beginning of numerous failed relationships to come. But I also took comfort knowing that there was someone once who loved me and treated me right, and whom I loved, and no matter what petty things we fought about, that love was strong enough to keep us together for as long as it did. I guess it was just reaffirming to know that that was once and still is possible. Anyway, I screamed every lyric to Piebald's album If It Weren't For Venetian Blinds It Would Be Curtains For Us All on my way home until my iPod died. And goddamn is that a long title! It's strange how my emotions surrounding certain songs can morph over time. The Smiths used to make me so sad as a teenager, but now I find them so calming. And hardcore bands like Gorilla Biscuits used to get me all pumped up, and now I just think they're silly. But I guess the strangest thing of all is looking back on all of this and realizing it was 7 fucking years ago since I was 18! It feels like I was 18 just a few years ago. What happened? 05*05*06 So I attempted to run around Prospect Park this afternoon, but ended up walking most of it. I was thoroughly disappointed in myself, so I plan to go again tomorrow and as much as possible after that until I can run around that whole park without stopping. I did it last summer; maybe this summer I'll aim to run around it twice. My birthday is in less than one month. I will be a quarter of a century old. Someone buy me a walker. I finished reading One Hundred Years of Solitude Thursday while it was slow at work. I absolutely loved it. I'm actually sad to be done reading it, but I bought two new books Friday which should keep me busy for a while. I had dinner with Matt as friends on Wednesday night, and I think I'm ok with that. I still find a lot of the reasoning behind us not being together somewhat frustrating, but it's also completely out of my hands. I can't waste any more energy on something I can't change. I'm about to meet up with Melissa for dinner in Park Slope, and then I'm heading over to Irving Plaza to meet up with Brook to see The Fever. I was kind of into them a few years ago, but I haven't really given their new album a shot. I also bought myself a ticket to see Goldfrapp again on the 15th. This time around she's playing at Irving Plaza which is a pretty intimate venue, so I will probably be able to see better...unless the one 6'7" guy in the room seeks me out and stands in front of me. Happens every time. Damn him! JR invited me to DJ at Black & White next Friday night, and I accepted. So break out your dancing shoes, start practicing your hand jive, and head on over Friday night! 05*01*06 Just thought I'd mention that my web host sent me an e-mail stating that there could be some possible site outages today and tomorrow due to some stupid network upgrade. So I apologize if you are without my site for a little bit. I know it won't be easy, but somehow we'll all get through this tragedy. 05*01*06 I have just seen the most amazing video. I've always loved Stephen Colbert being that he is one of the creators of Strangers With Candy, one of the funniest shows in existence. But now I'd have to say he has been elevated to the status of a comical god of sorts...well, in my mind at least. In one of the ballsiest comic stunts ever pulled in Washington, comedian Stephen Colbert delivered a blistering "tribute" to President Bush at the annual White House Correspondents' Dinner. It was so edgy and uncomfortable that it was almost too hard to watch, as a cold-faced and stunned Bush sat just a few feet away with the look of someone who had just been ambushed. It comes in three parts. Enjoy: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3. And a transcript can be found here.
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