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So I had my interview today with the Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. It went ok I think. It's hard to say. I guess I'll find out if they call me back for a second interview. The position is a lot more involved than I thought. I'd actually have to drive to hospitals and remove corneas from the recently deceased. Then I'd have to bring it back in a cooler and run tests on it. That's a lot of responsibility. I think it's pretty awesome. I'm surprised you can do that without having a medical degree. My date wasn't horrible last night. But I don't foresee having another one with this guy. I just wasn't feeling "it". I think I'm meeting another guy tomorrow to go to the Prospect Park Zoo. Being unemployed has its perks. Until, of course, I have no more money. I've gotten some more confirmations from people attending my birthday gathering. It's looking to be a pretty decent turnout. I think I always have a crappy birthday because I put too much emphasis on having a great time. If I don't expect so much, then I can't be disappointed. I try to use the same approach with relationships. It's easy to tell myself to think a certain way, but a tad more difficult to actually follow through. I think my friend Scott's baby will be born on my birthday. If this is the case, and the baby's a girl, I think Scott should make her middle name Emily. And I'm not just inserting this here because I know he reads this. I swear. 05*29*05 I don't know why exactly I'm inside tonight. I know I should probably be out. I just haven't felt much like doing anything all weekend. I don't really know why. If I had attempted to find something to do tonight, I could have. But I didn't. I think it's partially because I know I'd do the same thing I always do when I go out on the weekend--go to some bar I've been to before and get wasted. At the moment that just isn't appealing to me whatsoever. Plus I know if I do that, I won't do anything I had wanted to do tomorrow morning. And I don't want another hangover like I had Friday morning. Tomorrow I plan to run around Prospect Park, go home and shower, then go back to Prospect Park and lay out in the field with a book and some sunblock. I've run around Prospect Park about 4 times in the last couple of weeks. I use the term "run" loosely. It's mostly a combination of run/walking; mostly walking...sometimes while grabbing my side in pain. I'm trying! Anyway, tomorrow night I have a date whom I feel pretty indifferent about meeting at the moment. I don't know if it's just because of my recent blasé attitude, or because he picked a bar I'm not too nuts about to meet at. Well, I'm still going regardless. Who knows? Maybe I'll be glad I did. Besides, I almost always feel like backing out of dates at the last minute lately. In any case, I don't feel so bad about this weekend since I know next weekend should be pretty great. Better at least. That is if my mom and I don't strangle each other after my graduation over dinner. Also, I hope there's a good turnout for my birthday gathering on Sunday. It'd be nice to have a fun birthday for a change. I guess if it turns out to be lame, I could always drink so much that I don't remember anything, and make a friend tell me the next morning that I had the best time. That could work. It has to work! (insert maniacal laughter here) 05*27*05 I got an A in Instrumental Analysis! I went from an F to an A!!! Woohoo! I'm fucking done with school forever! After my last final yesterday, I was going to go straight home because I was so tired. I couldn't fall asleep the night before because I had such a mix of anxiety about taking my final, and excitement to just be done with it all. But for some reason or other I stayed around school for almost four hours--just in time for the science department party. I think they had to say it was open to everyone because the dean paid for it, but mainly just the forensic science majors that were in my Criminalistics class were there. It's funny how close everyone in that class became. I guess when you're forced to spend an inordinate amount of time in lab with the same people, you develop a type of bond. Anyway, there was free liquor at the party and that's something I never pass up. I drank a whole bottle of chardonnay and a beer. I didn't really feel the repercussions of that until around 5 this morning. I finally got an interview for a job next week. It's to work for the The Eye-Bank for Sight Restoration. I'd manage the eyeballs that come in or something. We'll see how that goes. I got my hair cut today. It looks cute. My hair stylist was so confused about what to do with the color; for some reason the top layer of my hair was almost black, and everything underneath was lighter. I don't know how that happened. Anyway, she lightened the whole thing up real nice. Since I'm nearing broke, I was going to charge everything on a credit card I haven't used since I bought my iPod over a year ago. To my surprise, it expired back in September. So I had to use my check card and now I am even closer to being broke. I'm going to see Star Wars again with Geoff tomorrow. I don't really know what I'm doing for the rest of the weekend. But whatever I do, you can be sure it won't be studying! 05*24*05 Two finals down, one more to go! I said good riddance to the hell hole that is my Criminalistics lab today. I got semi-drunk with some classmates after finals and had an overwhelming desire to see Star Wars Episode III again. No one else wanted to go though. Their loss! I'll go see it again eventually. I don't think I'll miss school so much, but if I don't find a job relatively soon, I'm going to go out of my mind with boredom. And I'll be broke. My loan money is quickly dwindling to a round number of zero. I've updated my resume and applied for six jobs since Sunday. Haven't heard back from anyone. Gimme a job! I'm gonna get my hair cut and dyed on Friday. I've decided on this cut. I don't know if my hair is long enough to do that with, but I shall soon find out. In unrelated news, I had a huge e-mail war with my mother over the weekend. Huge as in World War III huge. At one point she said she wasn't going to give me my graduation money to go to France anymore. And the thing that kills me about this is that it was all because I wanted to go to a vegetarian restaurant after my graduation! My mom can be pretty fucking ridiculous sometimes. Anyway, this was the final outcome. In case that's too vague for you, we've decided on a compromise--a restaurant that's herbivore and carnivore friendly. (By the way, I'm pointing to the phrase on the shirt, not my chest you perverts). Next time I write I will be done with school forever. Yippee! 05*21*05 I just got back from seeing Star Wars Episode III with Carlos. I thought the movie was awesome. It's kind of neat to see a movie opening weekend in New York City because the crowd is always enthusiastic and will cheer when they see fit. At times it's annoying. But tonight it added to the overall mood the movie set. I was impressed with the movie as a whole. I feel the need to watch the next Star Wars (the first ever made) now. In other news, I realized today I will never get the notion that Chad and I are not getting back together out of my head unless we stop talking. So I told him that's what we need to do. At least for a little bit. To me it really is just as simple as I like him and he likes me-we should be together. But nothing's ever that simple! I also realized recently that sometimes I just tell myself things aren't going to work out in hopes I fool fate into thinking I'm one step ahead of it so it'll pull a 180 degree turn on me and things will turn out good for a change. But that never happens. And I don't even necessarily believe in fate. But this is how my twisted mind works sometimes. I'll try not to do that this time. Carlos and I were talking about our disillusionment with dating tonight at some Irish pub. He's not having any luck because either he's not really interested in the girls he dates, or he does like them but they don't like him back. Such is life. I told him I'd prefer it that way than the way things went in my situation: having the feeling of really being liked dangled in front of me for two weeks and then complete and sudden emotional withdraw without any explanation. Then I was left waiting for what was once there to come back, but it never did. This is not the first time this has happened. It's the two-week syndrome. If a guy can make it past that point without suddenly changing, there's hope for him yet. I'll be sure to write about that when it happens. Don't hold your breath. I'm not. 05*19*05 Well I ran that vegetarian restaurant idea by my mom and she said I was being selfish because I was the only one who likes vegetarian food. The rest of them haven't even tried it! And what's not to like!? If you hate tofu and every other fucking thing, get steamed vegetables and rice or something. And how is it selfish of me to want to go to a restaurant where I have choices on the menu, but not selfish of her to take me to a place only she, her boyfriend and my brother will like even though it's my goddamned graduation dinner?! I feel like a little kid when I'm with her. I felt like throwing a huge temper tantrum by banging on my plate with silverware or something. Instead I suggested she catch the next ferry and fast. 05*19*05 I did it! I'm done with classes. Yippee! I treated myself to a pedicure and manicure and then dinner to celebrate yesterday. Three finals next week and then I'm completely done. Graduation is June 3rd at Madison Square Garden. Even though my school let us have ten tickets, I could only get three people to go. I didn't expect my friends to go. Who the hell would want to sit in a room for 2 hours to hear my name called for 2 seconds? Not me. Well, not me if it wasn't me graduating. My mom is in the city taking a class on skin care techniques. I'm leaving to meet her in a little bit for dinner. Speaking of which, she booked reservations at some fancy shmancy Italian restaurant for after my graduation. I think that since it is my day I'm going to suggest we go to a vegetarian restaurant so there are more choices for me than pasta. Then everyone else can suffer having to eat non-meat dishes. Mwahaha! Suckers. I may or may not be going to a classmate's party in upstate New York the Saturday after my graduation. That Sunday is my 24th birthday and I've decided to invite everyone I know to a bar to celebrate it with me. Presents are optional; getting me drunk is not. If I don't need help walking out of the bar when the night is over, my friends have not done their job. 05*16*05 Every now and then an action occurs as a direct result of something I've written in here. Chad read what I wrote in my previous entry and wrote me to let me know that our "late night parcheesi" meant more to him as well. In some ways it makes me feel better knowing I wasn't imagining something that wasn't there. But ultimately it still wasn't the response I wanted to hear since nothing has changed. Anyway, I keep forgetting to mention what my mom and I did on Mother's Day. We went to a small spa on the upper west side for facials and full body massages. I've had a full body massage before, but not a facial. And most certainly not a full body exfoliation. After that last treatment, the woman who rubbed me down led me to a shower to rinse the exfoliator off. I had a robe and my underwear on at this point. After I removed the latter while my masseuse was absent for 5 seconds, she returned to help me into the shower. Apparently after some 20 odd years of doing this on my own, I still have not mastered the skillful technique of stepping into a bathtub. She then stood there waiting...waiting for me to hand her my robe! I couldn't understand what this woman's obsession with seeing me naked was, but I wanted her to go away, so I handed her my robe and quickly shut the curtain. It was all so odd. I'd say I felt dirty, but after the exfoliation, shower and facial, I felt anything but. Two more days of lab. I'm so close I can taste it. 05*15*05 I was just trying to print out a CD label and my fucking printer ejaculated ink out of the paper feedout and onto my bed. WTF!? Piece of crap. I was gonna go for a run this morning, but it's supposed to rain. I keep meaning to run in the park. I even bought new running gear and a stop watch. But either I'm too hungover or the weather sucks or something. I'm not too perturbed though because I just remembered that after Wednesday I have my mornings free since I have no more classes...ever! So watch out Prospect Park. Last Sunday night Chad and I were chatting online. One thing led to another and he ended up coming over for...a game of Parcheesi. Right. Anyway, after this incident I realized once again I am not capable of getting physical with a guy without getting emotionally involved. I thought I was. I had myself convinced I was for most of the week. But this still seems to be a "talent" the male sex has mastered and that I cannot begin to understand. I realized this back when I dated Geoff when I was 20. But I guess I thought that since I was older and supposedly wiser, those days were behind me. Silly Emily. But I'm not too sour about it now. Last night it hit me that this will be the first summer in two years I will spend heartbreak-free. Plus I don't have to spend the end of summer dreading the start of school. In fact, I'll be looking forward to it since I'm going to France in September. Viva l'été de 2005! 05*13*05 Friday the 13th...ooooh, spooky. I just saw Unleashed with Geoff. It was kinda cheesy, but the fight scenes were pretty awesome. It inspired me to watch the end of Kill Bill Vol. I as soon as I'm done typing this. I was also inspired to buy beer. I haven't had one in a while. It's damn tasty. I have a dilemma. I have two pretty big finals on the 24th, but Dead Alive is playing for free at Rififi the night before. I LOVE that movie. I really wanted to go. I could study before the movie and still go see it. It's probably not a good idea, but it is possible. I guess I'll just have to see when the time arrives. Also, I dyed my hair "medium brown red" last night, but it came out more black. I don't know what went wrong. I think I should scrounge up the cash and start getting my hair professionally dyed. Ok, movie time...again. 05*12*05 I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for the 29,472,374,527 time. Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but I do watch it at least twice a month. I think it's safe to say it's my favorite movie ever. I was inspired to watch it tonight for two reasons. One because I don't want to study for my Biology lab final. Two because Carlos and I are discussing taking a trip to Montauk to try and find where parts of that movie were filmed. He loves the movie, too...but not as much as me! Kate Winslet is such a gorgeous woman. Between that movie and Heavenly Creatures, she's probably my favorite actress. I guess another reason I watched it is because I've had relationships on my mind a lot recently. Well, I mean, when don't I? But certain recent events and conversations have me thinking about it even more. I guess in a way I love that movie as well because I envy the intimacy between Winslet and Carrey's characters. I really long to have that with somebody. I know when you meet someone new it's supposed to be exciting and whatnot, but I much prefer a few months down the line when you're official and you feel somewhat stable and you know you like each other. There's no guessing or mind games or anything like that. I say this not so much from experience, however (not since I was 18 anyway). I'm just saying that's how it should be when you get seriously involved with someone. I've had the misfortune of dating guys I usually never achieve this with. But I want to. I really do. It's not something I'm focusing on or anything, it's just something that's in the back of my mind. A growing desire I guess. But finding a job and figuring out what to do with my life takes precedent at the moment. My professor lectured about the OJ case for our last criminalistics class. I didn't follow the case that closely when I was in high school. After presenting the evidence to our class, it took all of 20 minutes to convince me of OJ's guilt. Make that 5 minutes. I don't know how in the world anyone was convinced otherwise. It's absolutely amazing. In lab today I jokingly hit a book my friend Alex was holding in front of her face. It hit her in the nose really hard though, and her whole face turned red and her eyes teared up. I can't remember the other time I've done that, but I know this is the second time I've purposely hit someone in a jokingly, not-meant-to-really-hurt manner and ended up really hurting them. I should cut that out...starting now. 05*11*05 I was just finishing up my lab reports I have to hand in tomorrow when Melissa IMed me and told me some sad news. A 21-year-old girl was hit and killed by a sanitation truck Saturday night while she was riding her bike in Manhattan. I didn't know her, but I was just looking at her myspace profile and felt so bereaved (in an empathetic way). She was friends with a lot of people I know. No one I've ever been close with has died, so I can't even imagine what her friends and family are going through. I don't even want to. Stuff like this always puts me in check with my life. Not that I need to be doing more with it necessarily, but that all the shit I worry about seems pretty trivial in comparison. So back to writing about the trivial shit I worry about. I have two more labs to hand in. School is over in less than a week (not counting finals which are the week after). Tomorrow marks my last Criminalistics and Instrumental Analysis lectures ever! I'm bringing lettuce and tomatoes to throw at my professors. 05*09*05 Exhuasted doesn't begin to describe how I feel. But a promise is a promise:
05*08*05 Sunday morning and I'm hungover as usual. I've been getting bad hangovers a lot lately. I think I'm getting old. This is my final full week of college. I'm stressed just thinking about it. I have so much to do. I'll welcome finals after all this time in lab. I'm so sick of spending hours on end on labs that don't work or give me inconclusive results. That's another topic altogether though that I don't feel like writing about right now. Atlantic City was ok. I had fun with my friends Alex and Lynn. You'd never know these girls were in their 30s, because we act like a bunch of immature idiots when we're together. If they hadn't been with me though, the whole experience would have been craptacular. I've decided I hate casinos. They're depressing and gross. Plus I don't like gambling. I actually found myself drinking beer in Hooters Thursday night. I'm still having a hard time coming to terms with it. The crime scene reconstruction conference was ok at first, but most of the speakers were very long-winded. Towards the end I started telling my friends there was going to be a crime scene there courtesy of me if we didn't walk out. So we did. Sometimes I get so sick of NYC and I welcome some sort of change or trip, but almost every time I get to where I'm going, I realize how much better NYC is and I wanna go back home. That's basically what happened in Atlantic City. Last night I went to Union Pool to meet up with Katrina. I didn't like the crowd there so much though, so I left after a few hours and met Alex at a party. Alex is a guy I've been seeing the past few weeks (not my friend from school). I hesitate to mention any guys I date in here anymore because it gets exhausting after a while. I could basically copy and paste the same entry for every one of them: "Met a great guy! I like him so much!" Two weeks later: "I'm getting paranoid about (insert name here). I can't tell if he likes me anymore/he's cheating on me/he's using me...." One-two months later: "(Insert name here) and I broke up because he couldn't commit/would rather party than be with me/his dog told him to kill people (back when I dated the Son of Sam)...." You get the idea. Not to say that's what I want to happen in my current situation, but when one sees an obvious pattern forming, it's difficult to ignore it. My mom is on her way here for Mother's Day. I think we're just gonna do low-key stuff today since it's too cold to spend the day out and about walking around. I guess we'll just catch a movie and have dinner. At some point tonight or tomorrow I'll post pictures from Atlantic City and this weekend. 05*03*05 I'm just a tad stressed out with school at the moment. I got a lab wrong yesterday that I must have spent at least 40 hours working on. I wanted to rip my hair out. But instead I went home and cried. I'm gonna try and do it over if I have time. Right now I'm working on a physical fluids lab. We're running different tests to detect the presence of urine, sweat, semen, pus, vaginal fluid and saliva. I got the semen stain from my ex-crush in lab. Not in the way you think, either! He had a bunch of extra samples in his drawer. Sigh. There's no way I can say how I got it without it sounding dirty, so just forget it. Anyway, the lab seems to be going quick and smooth. A nice change from the last lab I was doing. My friend Scott sent me a link to the coolest shirt today. I had to buy it. I'm pretty excited about my trip to Atlantic City Thursday night. Not really at all because of the convention we're going to. I'm just looking forward to doing something different, and the road trip there and back with my friends. Saturday night I'm most likely meeting up with Katrina at a bar in Brooklyn. I haven't seen her since January. Sunday my mom is coming up for Mother's Day. I have no idea what to do with her. Last year we went horseback riding in Prospect Park. This year I'd like to do something a little more relaxing. Like sleep. Mmmm...precious sleep. 05*01*05 Happy May Day! I finally got my bike tire fixed today. I tried to do it myself at first. But after I cut my knuckle and popped the new tube I bought, I decided to walk it over to the bike shop. The guy there fixed it in about three minutes; it took me over an hour to even attempt to do it. Oh well--it's fixed. I just rode my bike to and around Prospect Park before the sun set. I almost got blind-sided by someone's car door on my way home. Pedestrians are so oblivious to bikers. If they see a car coming, they won't cross the street. If they see me coming, they walk right in front of me and watch me panic as I try not to bludgeon them with my bike. Next time I'm just gonna run them over. I was hung over most of yesterday, so I decided to stay in last night. I had three different invitations to go out last night. I don't know why plans always land in my lap when I don't feel like going out. But of course when a night comes around that I'm dying to go out, there will be no one around and nothing to do. This was a pretty uneventful spring break (aside from firing a machine gun). Hopefully my trip to Atlantic City this weekend promises to be more exciting. Plus Geoff just told me he'd go see Reverend Horton Heat with me next week. I've been bugging everyone and their mom to go with me. Finally my pestering has paid off! This will be the sixth time I've seen RHH; one time more than I've seen Morrissey even. I have to go back to school tomorrow. Boo. I have two tests this week. I just remembered that when I was on my bike. These last two weeks of school are going to be hell on earth. Everyone keeps telling me I'm gonna miss this. I dunno. Certain aspects, probably; definitely not the end of the semester work cram, though.
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