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I never really did figure out what else I wanted to write about the other day. I do know that I wanted to link to this site: Stuff White People Like. Melissa sent me the link last week, and I thought it was pretty hilarious so I sent it to Patrick. Then he reminded me he sent it to me a long time ago...except I don't really remember. Lots of donors today! There were five in total that I know of; I only had one, but it took most of the day to recover on. I wasn't too stressed or irritated until I got back to the lab. Even though we are overstaffed we still don't have enough techs to both handle an onslaught of donors and our office work (can't be in two places at once!). It's a tricky business. We don't always have this many donations in a row, so to hire more techs may mean more people just sitting around with nothing to do for most of the time until a day like this comes. I guess if this happens consistently it would make sense to hire more people. In the meantime though, I want my friggen raise!! My boss came in today but is apparently out again tomorrow. Who knows how long it will take for that to materialize. Patrick is having his 30th birthday party this weekend. It's going to be a joint party with his friend who's turning 31. I'm looking forward to it, especially since it's going to be at a bar right up the street from me! His evite heading is "Ol' 30 Bastard". So clever. 03*23*08 I feel really good about the raise proposal I wrote. Everyone thought it was great. Of course the only person whose opinion really matters, my boss, is on vacation until Tuesday. But my supervisor was thoughtful enough to scan the proposal in and email it to her to enjoy during her time off. The past few days were pretty fruitful. Yoga Thursday night followed by dinner and drinks with Patrick. His 30th birthday is in two Mondays so we were surveying some Park Slope bars to find a decent place to have a party. I think he settled on one near me. Friday night I was a little tired and out of ideas for things to do, so we had a movie night with Ratatouille. It was cute, but I thought I'd love it more than I did; nonetheless, I did like it. Saturday morning--yoga again. Cleaned up my place a bit after watching Michael Clayton (it was ok). I spent the majority of the night at Melissa's place where she made me dinner and we watched bad movies on TV. I had a good time. Today I got called in for a donor before my shift even started at noon, which kinda sucked. However, it went pretty quickly and I had time to head over to J&R to get Patrick's birthday present afterwards. I don't know how he does it, but Patrick manages to get his presents early all the time. I hadn't even mentioned going to J&R to him and he called me to ask if I wanted to meet him there because he was on his way. So I told him I sorta had already planned to go there and he put two and two together. Then he somehow convinced me it made more sense to bring it to his place today rather than have to lug it over there from my place later. I guess if he doesn't care that he has nothing to open on his birthday, then so be it! Anyway, he really liked his new MIDI keyboard controller thing. I am pooped. I had other things that I wanted to write about I think, but my fatigue is clouding my memory. Guess it'll have to wait until tomorrow! 03*18*08 I am so done with this raise proposal!! I don't even care if it needs more editing, I'm not doing it. No one else has done anything except to comment things like, "Oh I think that that 'the' should be an 'a'." My supervisor made a pretty significant suggestion today which was helpful but at the same time it messed all my figures and charts up so I had to fix all that tonight. But like I said, it's now DONE. Weekend recap: Friday night I stayed in and watched a bootleg version of Run Fatboy Run online while drinking a bottle of wine. The movie was less than stellar. Saturday I met Brook for brunch, but was called into work right after. I had a back up shift which is usually just easy money with no work involved, but for the first time in my 2.5 years at the eye bank they actually needed extra help due to the crazy amount of donors we had. I went in between 1 and 2 in the afternoon and left after 6. I met up with Melissa afterwards and we went to Brook's to pet her new kitten, then had dinner at a really yummy Mexican place near Melissa. I went back to Brook's solo after dinner to drink and watch Shortcuts for 3 friggen hours. I was so tired by the end of it I just slept over. Sunday I was supposed to hang out with Alex, but we decided once again to wait until the weather is better. We have the most conflicting schedules. I haven't even seen her since the summer. I feel kind of embarrassed to admit this given the amount of fuss I've made over the whole thing and the amount I've annoyed my friends (sorry!), but Patrick and I got back together on Sunday. He wrote up a plan to tackle his and our problems on Friday. There were still things we had to work out once we hung out on Sunday...I just wish it hadn't come up while we were out to dinner because I started crying at the table. Everything is not all better, nor will it be for a little while I guess. But we're willing to work towards making it better and we'll just have to see what happens. We are still going ahead with the trip next month as well. I had made alternative plans in my mind to go to L.A. then Hawaii, but it wouldn't have been financially feasible anyway. My cat just threw up while I was typing this. Sick. Also, a few hours ago I sprayed some Febreze on some items I was wearing during Bikram. However, after the first squirt I realized I had sprayed Clorox Clean Up on my clothes instead. Oops! I haven't seen any color change yet though. Is it Friday yet? 03*17*08 I'm working diligently on a raise proposal for work. Will update tomorrow when my eyes don't hurt! 03*12*08 I'm a dork so I looked up what pregnancy dreams mean. I suppose this dream all had to do with moving on. Which I also guess is why I woke up feeling empowered. If you are close to delivery, this usually means that something you've been planning or thinking about is close to materializing in the waking world. If you are giving birth, think about what happens when a woman gives birth: there is pain, followed by new life. In this case, this could indicate something in your life that will be painful to deal with but will ultimately give you great joy.... If you have already given birth, are you taking care of what you brought into the world or has it been abandoned? Look at your life and see if there is something that needs some nurturing, some part of yourself that means a lot to you, but you haven't been taking care of--a project, a relationship, anything. Ask yourself why this isn't being addressed, ask yourself what is more important than your own creation. For some reason I can't find what a dream about marrying a hardcore singer means. Go figure. 03*12*08 I'm excited to have a blind governor. Maybe he can be a spokesman for the Eye-Bank. I just saw that the NY Times posted a link to Spitzer's prostitute's myspace page. It's just odd to me that the Times would put a link to myspace in anything. I was going to go to Bikram tonight with Brook, but she was too tired and then I just didn't feel like going. In retrospect I wish I had because I'm bored. I'll go tomorrow after work instead. I'm trying to fill up my weekend with things to do, but so far I've only got Saturday night and Sunday covered. C'mon Friday night! Gimme a break here. I woke up this morning and felt strong and ready to move on from Patrick. I emailed him to arrange a time to get back my stuff this weekend so I can just be done with it, but his reply made me start to waver again. Ugh fuck feelings!! I had the weirdest dream last night. I dreamt that I was 9 months pregnant but I only looked about 3 months along. I was worried, so I asked some random person if it was normal to look that way and they told me that my baby was turned the wrong way, which was my stomach was flatter. Then it suddenly occurred to me that I forgot to see a doctor during the whole duration of my pregnancy and I started freaking out. I also realized I forgot to read any baby books and had no idea how to have or take care of a baby. Then at that very moment I went into labor and had a very difficult time trying to get to the hospital. The birthing process was a blur. Next thing I knew I was living in my last apartment again and whomever was living in the next room had been taking care of my baby, who was now a toddler. She was really cute and looked nothing like me. I went to go wash her in the sink, then next thing I remember I was at a concert where my husband was the lead singer in a hardcore band. I was wearing some ridiculous skimpy outfit and the woman next to me started berating me for it. My husband ran off the stage and started yelling at the woman and then said I looked gorgeous. I don't really remember much past that, but I liked that he stood up for me. Oddly vivid dream! 03*10*08 Call me weak (just don't call me late to dinner!), but I called Patrick on Saturday. I was feeling depressed and no one else was around to speak with. We barely talked though because he was almost out the door. However, we did talk yesterday and ended up meeting up for dinner. We only really talked about what's been going on in our lives. After dinner we checked out a DVD sale at a store nearby. Under normal circumstances, after we had nothing else to do, we'd have gone to one of our places together and hung out. But we knew that couldn't happen, so we kind of lingered on the sidewalk for a while acting awkward. When we finally decided to part ways, we hugged and it lasted a very long time. I was crying a little bit when we let go. Then we said goodbye. I didn't feel as sad on my way home. It was really good to see him. The whole thing left me feeling really confused about everything though. I felt like I wanted to get back together and I was loosing sight of why we broke up. But after giving it more thought today, I realized the only way we're going to get back together is if he makes active steps towards trying to be more positive and getting his life a little more in order in a way that makes him happy. I can't do these things for him, and having me in his life before wasn't motivation enough to get these things in order. I can only hope not having me in his life now would motivate some sort of call to action. And not just for me of course, but for him...because he deserves to be happy. I'd love to be a part of his life still in whatever capacity he's able to have me in it (and vice versa) and for him to still be able to accomplish these things. But that decision rests solely with him. Of course I'd love if all this happened in the next few days because I miss him like crazy, but I guess I have to accept that this just might not be our time...even though I really don't want to!!! And here is where I start to become pulled in every which way about this. So I'll quit while I'm ahead. Had an ok weekend otherwise. Met up with Jamin and his wife Christina Saturday night. We had dinner in Fort Greene, then tried to go to a bar in Carroll Gardens but the bomb squad had about 10 blocks sectioned off over there, so that didn't pan out. We wound up at a bar near my place and then I invited them over for a bit. I had a nice time. I did Bikram Yoga again tonight. I prepaid for 10 sessions, so now I have to keep going. Sometimes I just want to scream "Fuck!" during the postures, but so far I've contained myself quite well. Tomorrow I tackle laundry. 03*08*08 All my music is inappropriate for a break up. Actually, it's appropriate if your goal is to wallow in misery and possibly kill yourself afterwards. Thank god for The Beatles. Also, why is nature handing me this depressing, crappy weather!? Plans have formulated for tonight though, so things are looking up. C'mere alcohol! 03*07*08 So I finally had my melt down today...at work. Like I said, I've been feeling a bit sadder lately. This morning I received a really sweet e-mail from Patrick's mom. Having just heard about our break up last night, she wanted to let me know there'd always be a place in her heart for me. That sent me to the bathroom bawling. Then an hour later the same thing. Then I couldn't stop. I instant messaged my supervisor telling him about the break up and asking if I could possibly leave work early today. He called me into his office and then I bawled in front of him for about ten minutes. I think being an EMT he was worried about sending me home to an empty apartment so upset. He talked to me for a bit and managed to calm me down. I sat in the conference room for a few hours after that reading, then he let me go home early. I've just consumed a monstrous amount of Twizzlers and have three movies to watch. All I really want to do though is crawl into a ball on my bed. I really hope the whole weekend isn't going to be like this. 03*06*08 I just had such a great Bikram class! I went to a different studio that was so much better and the instructor helped me get into postures I didn't think I'd be able to do yet. I wasn't even waiting for it to end the whole time. I can't wait to go back. Some Jamaican dude is yelling at some girl outside. He keeps saying the word 'fuck' a lot, but I'm not really sure what he's upset about. Something about her toying with him. At least they're not that loud. The hooker, now she's loud. I can hear her from two blocks away; "Baaaaaaaaaaybeeeeeeee!" I love Gowanus! I don't want to be on-call tomorrow. I want to go out. I feel like I'm going to have trouble falling asleep tomorrow night. Maybe I should just go to Bikram again. Listening to this couple argue makes me a little relieved I'm not there anymore. But I have been feeling a bit sadder about the break up since last night. I'm probably just getting hormonal and I know it's normal to feel upset anyway. Everyone keeps telling me the same motivational advice, and I appreciate it, but at the same time I've been through this so many times I feel so completely aware of the fact that I'll move on and this isn't the end of the world. It helps a lot that this break up was mutual and there was no huge blow out. I'm actually really grateful for that. I haven't had a smooth break up since I was probably 20. It also helps to have dated a really sincere person who didn't play games with me. I think the after effects of Bikram are telling me to go to sleep now. 03*05*08 I'm going to attempt Bikram Yoga again tomorrow night. I think I'd like to make it somewhat of a routine...although it will be a bit pricey. Friday night I'm on-call. It's been really slow at work for about a month now, so I wouldn't mind having a donor or two. Saturday night I'm definitely hanging out with my friend Jamin and his wife. We're still not quite sure what to do. We talked about going dancing. We haven't been dancing together since probably sometime in late 2004. I haven't been dancing period since December 2006. I have absolutely no idea where to go dancing anymore. I know there are plenty of places to go dancing, but to actually find a place with a down-to-earth crowd seems to be a very challenging task. We may also stop by Brook's for a dinner party prior to dancing. Otherwise my weekend is open. I'm thinking of doing some errands and possibly going to a museum. I may also head over to the library to return some books for a vacation that is most likely not going to formulate. I have some ideas on what to do about that, but I'll have to take some more books out of the library to figure it all out. My mom gave me some books to read while I was visiting her last weekend. One, which I'm almost done with, is Eat Pray Love (one of those Oprah books). I usually steer clear of the trendy books, but I thought it would probably be a good thing to try and read something light to take my mind off other things. Of course she also gave me a book on how to find the man I'm going to marry. She wouldn't be my mom if she didn't give me books like this. Who knows? I may just read it. There's gotta be something insightful in there. And if not, it may be good for a laugh. She also gave me a Netti Pot. I may be the last person to have heard of this, but basically it looks like a plastic teapot that you fill with a warm saline solution and then proceed to stick up your nose while your head is tilted to let the water circulate through your sinuses and out your other nostril. I tried it out on Sunday and felt pretty terrified by the experience. Not to mention I became terribly congested for two days afterwards. But in the Netti Pot's defense, I think I had a cold coming before I even tried the (Netti) pot. My mom thought it would be funny if I told everyone that she bought me pot. Maybe I'll get up the nerve to try it again tonight before bed. There are so many pot jokes I could insert here! But I'll spare you...for now. 03*02*08 Patrick and I decided to break up Friday night. He's been very unhappy about things going on his life for a few months now and it's been affecting our relationship and making me unhappy. We agreed last night that nothing really changed after our break a few weeks ago and this isn't working for us right now. Of course I'm sad, but I think maybe this is for the best. Who knows, maybe there will be a future for us somewhere down the line. I just got back from visiting my mother. She gave me a pedicure last night and then we went out to eat. Some creepy old drunk man came up to us during dinner and put his arms on both our chairs and just stared at my mom. My mom and I exchanged confused looks and then she asked, "Do I know you?" to which he replied, "No, but I'd like to know you!" It was scary. My mom politely told him she had a boyfriend but thanked him for the flattery. I dunno if I'd be so flattered by a gross drunk guy staring at me until I talked to him. On the way home we sang Beatles songs. This morning my mom and I walked four miles on the boardwalk. Afterwards I went to my friend Scott's house and met his daughter Sofia for the first time since she was born. I was blown away by how precocious and delightful she is! She has so much energy and is so talkative at only 2 3/4. I bought her two little purses which I presented to her wrapped in tissue paper inside a gift bag and she said, "Oh thank you Emily! I love it!" before even opening it. After she did open it, she seemed more enthralled with the tissue paper than the purses. I'm never around children so I never really know how to act around them. But I think I did ok for the most part. Below are some pictures of Sofia and Scott:
03*01*08 I'm taking the ferry to New Jersey today to visit my mom. I want to take new pictures of her salon for her website today. Plus she's giving me a pedicure. Lord knows I need one. I think we might go see a movie tonight and hopefully I'll get visit my friend Scott and his daughter tomorrow before I come back to Brooklyn. Bikram Yoga was insanely difficult. I couldn't do at least half of the positions they did, but at least I tried to. It lasted an hour and a half and I sometimes felt like I was being tortured. I must have sweated out every drop of moisture in my body. I still feel dehydrated from it. At least the pain in all my muscles is finally wearing off. I think I'm going to try and go again Sunday or Monday night. Our work meeting was pretty uneventful. I am happy to say my brownies were devoured pretty fast. However, my boss didn't even show up! But she did pass along a message to our supervisor to give to us. We had to delegate one representative amongst us to speak on our behalf in a private meeting with her, and they have to come ready with specific amounts of money we want for the raise. After some prodding, my coworker who's somewhat been spearheading this agreed to speak with our boss next week. I spent hours the other night writing up a proposal as to why we deserve a raise. I hope we get what we're asking for! Anyway, I suppose I should get this day started.
This girl is a nerd, get me outta here |
