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One last entry before I leave from work for Los Angeles tomorrow evening. Just finished packing. Felt sad tonight thinking about how I should have been leaving for Austin with Matt Thursday morning. Nonetheless, I'm still excited to see Rory and California. I just wish things had worked out differently. In any case, I'll be back next Tuesday evening. Hopefully I'll have plenty of pictures to post and much to write about shortly thereafter. 03*27*06 A couple of weeks ago an editor of Vice Magazine contacted me and asked me if I'd be interested in participating in a fashion story on women who have studied criminology and forensics for a Cops issue of the magazine. I said sure and wrote him about my experiences in my major, my disappointment with what the NYPD police lab had to offer, and what my current job entailed. I finally e-mailed it to him a few days ago. He wrote back today and told me when the photo shoot would be, and that Terry Richardson would be doing the shoot. I'm not up to par with photographers, but apparently he's a huge deal. So now I'm a little nervous, but mostly just excited at the chance to partake in the story. Strange how things sometimes just land in your lap...and awesome. 03*25*06 Arg! I don't know what I'm doing up at 10 o'clock on a Saturday morning when I went to bed at 5 o'clock this morning. Stupid internal alarm clock. The DJing went ok last night. The crowd kinda sucked, so I felt like it didn't really matter what I played. But in that respect it was nice to have the pressure off to please the crowd. I'm getting waxed this afternoon with Brook. I've never been waxed before...at least not where I'm getting waxed today. Hehe. When I was in fifth grade my mom used to practice waxing for her salon on my legs. The actual ripping hair out of my skin part never hurt that much, the scalding temperature of the wax, however, did. Tonight I'm going as Brook's "plus one" to see The Gossip (she does PR for a bunch of bands). I've never even listened to them, but free is free and I'd like to see what all the hype is about anyway. We're also going to the after party, but I hope not to stay out as late as I did last night. Which reminds me, I really ought to go back to bed now. 03*22*06 So I think my allergist finally figured out why I am always congested: I'm allergic to cats! 03*21*06 There is a huge hole in my bathroom wall. A plumber came while I was at work to "fix" a leak. He probably just came in and moved everything in my bathroom around, put my underwear on his head, and knocked a huge hole through the wall when he became startled by one of my cats and accidentally lost his footing. In any case, I'm a little annoyed with the mess. I had a donor today where the family changed their minds about donating after I had already procured the deceased's corneas. Another donor organization had gotten the consent and pretty much said we were on our own once that happened. So of course I had to call the next of kin and explain what had happened and see what they wanted to do. It didn't help that we both couldn't understand one word the other was saying. In the end everything worked out, but it was rather nerve-racking. I don't know what the hell is with this cold weather, but it makes me even more anxious to go to sunny California. Rory ran all these neat ideas by me for things to do, including a hike to the Hollywood sign, a stroll down the Walk of Fame, a visit to the Ripley's Believe It or Not! Museum, a trip to the beach, and some other things I can't remember but thought sounded like fun. I have to do some touristy stuff just because I've never been there before. I can't wait to break away from my routine! 03*19*06 I'm not a huge fan of being depressed, so I've been trying to keep pretty busy all weekend. Katrina came up Friday night and we had dinner in Park Slope, then headed to Black & White for a little bit. I'll be DJing there next weekend from 10:30 until closing, so if you're around 4th Avenue and 10th Street on Friday night, stop on by. Last night I met up with Brook at Motor City and we both got a bit drunk. Brook ended up staying over and woke me up around 7 to ask me how she got to my place and where babies came from. I could only answer the first question. Forty minutes later we realized how early it was and went back to bed. My therapy session on Thursday went alright. I just talked and cried a lot. My therapist made a few comments, but nothing groundbreaking happened. I think I need a few more sessions to see if she's gonna work out. Otherwise I'm very excited about leaving for L.A. in 10 days, I'm finally running again, and I got my hair cut this afternoon. However, I still miss Matt. 03*15*06 While I had somewhat of a breakdown yesterday, today was a pretty good day. I am currently drunk after just meeting up with Brook in one of my favorite neighborhood bars, Buttermilk. I called out of work sick today due to what I felt was a very shaky mental status. It was a good call. I ran some much-needed errands, bought my plane ticket to Los Angeles, went clothes shopping in Manhattan, got a pedicure, saw my allergist, and, as I mentioned, met up with Brook and enjoyed happy hour and free pizza. It was just what I needed. Plus I'm finally seeing a shrink for the first time ever tomorrow evening. She has no idea what she's in for. I'm hesitant to go into the reason for me being so emotional lately given that I am drunk, but obviously it had to do with Matt. I guess I finally realized that I fucked a lot of things up and it's hard for me to handle. I dunno, maybe Matt was right; maybe we just didn't do this at the right time. Maybe I need to work my shit out before I even attempt to get serious with someone again. Although I do think I'm in a better place now than I was when we started our relationship. Anyway, that's all I care to get into it regarding that at the moment. 03*13*06 Ever have one of those days where you can't stop crying and end up going home "sick" from work? Yeah, me neither until today. 03*13*06 I forgot to mention that Saturday night as I was drinking at Lit with Melissa, I looked over at the bar and noticed the entire top of the bartender's hair was on fire. At first I was just staring at it mesmerically, not really knowing if what I was seeing was real since no one was saying anything and the fire continued to burn without the bartender so much as noticing. But all of a sudden some people paniced and the bartender realized what was going on and put the fire out. He was just a tad bald afterwards. 03*12*06 It's noon and I'm still in bed. This is highly irregular for me. But my sleep schedule was screwed up this weekend when I was called in for my on-call shift to drive two hours away to fucking Newburgh, New York at midnight to remove some eyes. I don't know if it was because I was tired, or just because the person's eyes were so brittle, but during the enucleation I think I accidentally cut the eye open while trying to remove it; all the gooey goods inside seeped out. I was more careful with the other eye, though. Before leaving shitty Newburgh, I had to stop for gas. There were a couple of older teenagers arguing at the gas station, I have no idea what about, but one was telling the other he was going to kick his ass, and the other guy was egging him on and telling him to do it. Then the guy started saying he was going to kill the other guy, and they started getting really loud and reaching into the pockets of their oversized pants. I started getting very nervous and began envisioning headlines like "Eye-Bank Lab Technician Accidentally Gunned Down In Crossfire". Thankfully I got out of there before any real violence developed. I didn't end up getting back home until 7 in the morning, and I had no sleep prior to going into work. The only good thing about the night, aside from the extra money, was watching the sun rise over Brooklyn. I have a pretty city. Yesterday afternoon I took in the nice weather with a walk around Park Slope. Afterwards I realized that the 5 hours of sleep I was running on wasn't nearly enough, so I took a nap. I met up with Melissa for dinner at Kate's last night, then went drinking at Lit for a little while, and finished the night off with a semi-drunk midnight viewing of Pee Wee's Big Adventure at Landmark Theater. I had a really fun night. Upon arriving home, my good mood was disrupted by thoughts about certain people, so I became somewhat sad and mopey before falling asleep around 3. I'm supposed to visit Alex in Jersey City today, but I'm enjoying being inside while it's raining. Plus I have a few things to do around Manhattan today. Maybe I'll get a pedicure and get some new clothes. Every once in a while it feels nice to do girly things for myself. But right now I think I'll finish watching Hitchcock Presents while lavishing my kitty with love. 03*10*06 I am going to attempt not to drag this out too long as I am in the middle of a much-needed Gilmore Girls marathon (I'm on-call tonight, so I'm staying in). So, as I said, Matt and I are no longer dating. I guess a bunch of different factors played into it. One being that I never really knew if I even wanted to be in a relationship to begin with. I guess after you get screwed over like I did, solitude seems pretty comforting in comparison. Although now that we are broken up, I think I'm finally realizing just how much I did thoroughly enjoy being in a relationship with Matt. But of course I'd realize now. Another factor, the biggest factor I suppose, that lead to the break up was Matt's many female friendships. As much as I'd like to deny the fact that my last relationship left a lasting mark on me, it has; it is so extremely difficult for me to trust anyone. I no longer trust my judgment in people's character. I'm at a loss for how to know when I should start to worry about a situation anymore. But the one thing I've felt that I've ignored in the past and always regretted was my gut feeling. And that's exactly what was acting up these past few weeks regarding some of Matt's friendships. I tried to ignore it for the most part because I absolutely do not think Matt would cheat on me, but I felt something was amiss and it wasn't making me feel good. So finally I confided in a few people about the situation the beginning of this week, and they told me there was absolutely something to be upset about, and I was crazy to think otherwise. So I then decided to address the situation with Matt. He didn't appreciate what he felt was my mistrust in him, especially after how great he's been. And I didn't understand how he couldn't see my side of things. In the end I told him I couldn't be okay with things the way they were, and he told me he wasn't willing to compromise, so we ended it. We discussed the situation a little more last night in a calmer matter, and he finally seemed to understand my side of things. But I guess that didn't make a difference. I guess things got too complicated for him with us only being together for two and a half months. I kind of feel cheated about the extent he claimed to have cared for me. I thought that once he actually understood why I was upset, he'd want to at least try remedy the situation with me somehow...or do something. But instead we have nothing. Obviously Austin is off. I already took the days off of work though, so I called Rory today and asked him if I could come visit him in Los Angeles. He said absolutely, so I'm gonna try and buy my ticket for that this weekend. The only other thing I want to mention about what went on, is that I in no way had a problem with Matt's friends as people, I just felt uncomfortable with certain situations that he had put himself in. Although, I'm sure they all have a big problem with me now. What to do? Oh, I know--back to my DVD marathon. 03*09*06 On my lunch break today I was in Duane Reade comparing the scents of different body washes. I was opening each bottle and gently squeezing them to get a whiff of each aroma. Except when I squeezed one bottle a glob of soap shot up my nose. Thankfully no one was around to see. Also, Matt and I broke up. 03*08*06 This is a post to inform people that I haven't felt like writing about my goings on. Give me a few more days. 03*03*06 I'm killing time before I go to the Bowery Ballroom to see Of Montreal. I don't know when exactly I should leave. I haven't figured out how long it takes me to get certain places in the city from my new place yet. Definitely less time than it did in my old place. I didn't end up seeing Ted Leo last night because of some ticket mishap. Matt invited me out to his friend's party, but by the time I got home from the gym I just wanted to curl up in my warm bed and watch a movie since it was so crappy out. And that's just what I did. I watched Murderball; pretty good flick. I was just thinking of having a housewarming party in a few weeks. This place should be done by then. I figure people can come over for a bit, and at some point head to one of the many bars on 5th Avenue so we don't piss off my neighbors. Maybe on the way we can pick up one of the hookers I've seen walking around my neighborhood. As we all know, a night out isn't complete without a paid ho.
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