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I've waited for tomorrow to come for over a year and a half, for tomorrow is the day the Strangers With Candy movie will finally be released! Makes me "as damp as a cellar down there--all mildewy. Enter if you dare." 06*27*06 I just got back from traffic court. I had to fight my ticket from last month for making a right turn where I wasn't supposed to. I had all this paperwork with me to back up the fact I was in The Bronx to recover eyes, and proof of employment, etc. My name was called first and I went up front with all my evidence in hand. The judge didn't look up at me and was silent for about 30 seconds, then said, "I'm gonna dismiss your ticket," kind of quietly. I wasn't sure if I had heard him right and was silent for another 10 seconds, then I finally replied, "Thanks?" He nodded his head; mind you he still hadn't looked up at me this whole time, nor had I given him my paperwork. He then told me to get my receipt outside, and I thanked him again more enthusiastically and left. I didn't expect it to be that easy. Plus I only had to go into work for a half day today. Yay. 06*26*06 I'm about to go buy a vacuum, but I need to let my hair air dry a little longer, so I figured I'd write in here again. I was writing a summary for last month's entries in my archive section last night, and I realized that I mentioned how Matt and I were attempting to be friends, but I never followed up with that. I guess I didn't want to badmouth him in an attempt to explain what happened, but I don't really care anymore. Basically he posted something about how he wanted a girlfriend on myspace last month, and I found it really insensitive of him being that he knew I would read it. So I deleted him and let him know why. He wrote back some bullshit statement about how he was sorry "things just didn't work out" all around, and c'est la vie, etc. I let my emotions get the best of me and wrote back some huge saga about why things just didn't work out. Basically it was stuff I've said a million times that had fell upon deaf ears in the past, and was most likely no different that time around. I quickly regretted writing it after I sent it and let him know, and then never contacted him again. That is until a few weeks ago when I guess his phone accidentally dialed mine and he ended up leaving a long voice mail of a muffled conversation from his pocket. I had just gotten out of the gym when I saw he had called, and listened to some of the message on the street where I already had a lot of background noise, but it sounded like he said hi to me. Anyway, I called back to see what the call was about and he denied the whole thing and was a total fucking prick. He's the one who called me; I don't know why he couldn't be civil in the few seconds we were on the phone together just so I could figure out what happened. Then again, him acting like an asshole doesn't really surprise me. So that's that. I knew I couldn't get through that explanation without name-calling, but c'est la vie. 06*26*06 Last night I was putting my eardrops in my ear when the phone rang. In my haste to answer the phone, I forgot the cap was off my eardrops and ended up pouring more than 3/4 of the medicine on my bed. I quickly tried to scoop what little I could back into the vial being that it cost $40 (and scooped up some cat hair in the process). Thankfully I think I still have enough to finish out the next two days. I called out of work sick today. I was coughing my head off all weekend and must have gone through a whole box of tissues. Plus I find myself dizzy at times, probably due to my ear. Anyway, I figured I tried to work through my illness all of last week and I ended up getting an ear infection because of it. So today I rest...and run errands. I put myself on a diet yesterday. I usually try to eat well, but I haven't gone so far as writing down all the calories I consume in a while. It'd be nice if this diet was successful. If not, there's always bulimia. Just kidding. 06*24*06 I was driving to a donor last week with this new guy who started about a month ago. I guess he had overheard me talking to another co-worker about how I see a therapist, and said something like, "You're only 25 and you need to be in therapy?" I asked him what that was supposed to mean, and he started going on about something I didn't quite listen to. Then I looked at him dead serious and said, "My parents were shot in front of me." He stopped in mid-sentence, looked at me horrified and asked, "What?" After about ten seconds I burst out laughing and told him I was kidding. My point was a lot can happen in 25 years; telling someone they're too young for therapy isn't anyone's business. I went to my doctor yesterday and it turns out I have an ear infection. Whatever I thought was turning into strep throat never did, but instead somehow spread over into my ear. I know that's not the best medical explanation, but my doctor told me no one is certain what causes ear infections, so whatever I just said could be perfectly reasonable. Why is it whenever I get sick it's always with something that usually afflicts 5 year-olds? I've also decided without a doubt that those fucking ear candles are bullshit. Just have your doctor clean your ear; it's cheaper and more effective. 06*22*06 On second thought, I don't know if I'd recommend ear candle therapy. I was just doing some internet research and there were apparently a bunch of studies done that debunk the practice. I won't even say how much I paid to have it done, but if you were in as much pain as I was today, you'd probably be willing to pay the same for a possibilty of relief too. I will say that the amount and the consistency of the supposed ear wax in the candle looked just about right, and not anything like this picture here. And my ear wasn't clogged anymore after the procedure. So take that for whatever it's worth. 06*22*06 Two weird things happened today. The first occurred at 2:30 this morning when I was awoken by the sound of some woman outside my window shrieking, "Don't leave me!" repeatedly in between sobs. I heard her voice trail down about a block, then I heard a car door open and shut, then it started up and drove away...without her. She then started crying, "Come back!" And then she just started screaming and crying really loud. A few minutes later I didn't hear her anymore and was able to fall back asleep. I'm so curious to know who was leaving her and why, but I doubt I'll ever find out. The second odd occurrence happened about an hour before I left work. My left ear suddenly felt really clogged. So I began playing with it non-stop in attempt to hear normal again; I put my palm against my outer ear and applied pressure repeatedly, I tugged at it, I jerked my head every which way--nothing worked. I continued my impromptu suction cupping and tugging as I was walking around the lower east side after work. The clogged feeling soon became accompanied by an increasingly excruciating pain that enveloped first the inside of my ear, and then the whole left side of my head. I almost started crying on the street it hurt so bad. I came across a beauty salon that offered ear candle therapy, so I had it done hoping my pain was just a simple matter of ear wax build-up. When it was finished, I could hear out of my ear again, but the pain had not gone away; I think I had just put my ear drum through too much trauma trying to unclog it myself. I cancelled my evening therapy appointment and tried to get home as quickly as possible hoping that a combination of laying down and Excedrin would do the job. As soon as I got home I let out sobs of pain that I had been suppressing for nearly an hour. The Excedrin took about 15 minutes to kick in, and after it did I found sweet relief and fell asleep. My ear still feels funny now, but at least the pain is gone. And by the way, those ear candles are pretty neat. He showed me the wax he got out with them when he was done and it was pretty disgusting, but also comforting to know it wasn't in my head anymore. 06*21*06 I was just reading this article in Vice. It stirred up a little bit of emotions for me because I can somewhat relate to dealing with children dying. I had a three year-old donor not that long ago. I have to examine the whole body as part of my procedure, so I lifted her up to look at her back. She was so light; the whole thing was so surreal--to be holding a dead child. But the one thing I am most thankful for is that I never have to deal with the donors' families face-to-face. It keeps me detached from the situation, which is something I feel I pretty much have to be in order to do this on a regular basis. 06*20*06 I think I'm getting strep throat. I thought I was in the clear this year, but guess not. Stupid tonsils! 06*18*06 I was just talking with Maria about our Vice piece, and she told me that Richard Kern also posted some pictures from the shoot on his site as part of his online portfolio. I like the picture he used there better than the one they used in Vice. You decide:
06*18*06 I just got back from DJing. It sucked bigtime. I hate the crowd at Niagara. JR asked me to fill in for him last minute, and since I was doing nothing else, I thought what the hell; if only I had known what I was in for. When i got to the bar, the bartender told me that they mostly wanted top 40 hits. I don't even know what the top 40 hits are, let alone own any of them. JR just told me to play what I play at Black & White, so that's pretty much all I had. I had people from the bartender to drunks in the crowd yelling at me to play their crap. I was tempted to just grab my stuff and go after a while, but I stuck it through. Anyway, the real reason I'm posting this is because I just discovered they finally put my photo shoot on Vice's website. I'm not too nuts about my picture, but I don't really care that much. At least I don't look like a complete douchebag...just a semi-douchebag, whatever that is. Check it out:
06*17*06 I'm DJing tonight at Niagara (Avenue A and 7th Street in Manhattan) from 11PM until 4AM. Come say hello! 06*15*06 I have tried to arrange and upload the fucking pictures from my birthday party twice since last night with no success. Since I'm about ready to smash this fucking laptop against the wall, I've decided to upload the pictures this weekend when I have regained what little patience I have and desire to do so. I got this e-mail today from the automatic update I signed up for at Vice Magazine's website: Maria and I both already graduated from college last year, so we're not really "students" anymore, but no matter, I'm still looking forward to seeing the piece. It's still not up on their website yet though. Hopefully I'll get my hands on a physical copy some time this weekend. I just hope I don't look like a dumb ass. 06*12*06 I still haven't gotten a chance to upload and scan the pictures from Friday night; I had a pretty busy weekend. There was a pretty good turn out for my birthday party, which was at The Lakeside Lounge. A few people couldn't make it due to extenuating circumstances, but it was all around good times. Melissa had to work that night so she also couldn't make it, but she bought me a ticket to see the Yeah Yeah Yeahs with Sonic Youth in August. Brook bought me a ticket to see X with the Rollins Band in August as well. Ted Leo is also playing for free in August, and I may check out The Meteors at The Continental that month as well. I'm liking August already...despite the fact my therapist just told me she's going away that entire month. Saturday I slept late and met Brook for brunch in the afternoon. After we had some chocolate treats at the Cocoa Room, we headed back to my place to watch movies and drink wine. But we got sleepy and stopped paying attention to the movie after a while, so we headed over to a new vegan restaurant in Park Slope for dinner. I had to make it an early night since I was on call from midnight to noon. I ended up having a donor at 2:30 in the morning and didn't get home until 10:30. As I was driving through Manhattan around 4:30, I drove past an ex-roommate/ex-friend hailing a cab. I didn't make an attempt to say hello, I just thought it was a weird. I've decided I have a crush on a guy from the organ team. He reminds me a little of someone I used to like in high school, but only physically; I probably wouldn't like him if he had the same personality. Actually I don't even know what he's like at all. The only thing he said to me is that it'd be funny to bring the organ cooler to a party filled with beer. I smiled and asked him how to get out of the hospital. So romantic. My co-worker has friends on the organ team, so she's going to do some snooping for me. For all I know he could live in Westchester. I guess that's the shittiest thing about not having a car in the city: you can't date anyone who doesn't live within close proximity of you. Even some parts of Brooklyn are out of the question for me. The Bronx or Staten Island--forget it! I have to go to bed now (10:00) so I can attempt to run around the park in the morning after a week and a half hiatus. I'll try to upload those pictures tomorrow or the next day since I have Wednesday off as comp time. Yay! 06*07*06 So staying home from work turned out to be not as fun as I thought it would be mostly due to the rain. On one hand I suppose it was better to be in bed watching Lost on my laptop while it was miserable outside. On the other hand a big part of why I wanted to stay home was to run some errands which the rain deterred me from doing. I go through these periods of feeling like I want to date and try and pursue online conversations with people who get in touch with me, or sometimes I'll send a message to someone I find interesting. But then quite soon thereafter I find myself overwhelmed and bored with the whole thing. I always seem to find some quality in a person that has been a problem for me in a past relationship, so I'll stop talking to them. Or I just get bored with the amount of time we spend talking online before we meet. Or I think they might really like me after we meet and I feel suffocated by the very thought of having another relationship. So sooner or later I'll give up on dating altogether...until a few weeks or so pass and the desire to date is renewed and it starts all over again. I guess it really boils down to not really meeting anyone I feel is worth taking that dreaded leap into having something serious with. Then again I know that's kind of bullshit because if I dreaded it so much, why would I keep on putting myself out there? In any case, I do think being this picky is a good thing considering how many assholes I've ended up in relationships with. I finally decided where to have my birthday party. It's nothing special, but it has a photo booth. Hopefully I'll have plenty of photo booth pictures to share by the end of the weekend. 06*06*06 While leaving Staten Island University Hospital today, I encountered a huge turkey in the parking lot. You know, the kind with the humongous fan of feathers in back and the red hangy thing below their beak (example). There was also what I'm assuming was a female turkey (which, according to my google search, is a hen...I never said I was a turkey connoisseur) with a baby turkey in tow. It seemed a little out of the ordinary to me, but then I remembered reading about turkeys in Staten Island in a past Time Out NY issue—lo and behold I was right. And given the digits in today's date, I have no doubt in my mind it was a satanic turkey. I think I'm gonna call out of work sick tomorrow. I've been feeling really tired and all around not too great today. I think it has something to do with that massage I got yesterday; perhaps not drinking any water afterwards has taken its toll. In any case, I hardly ever call out sick, so I think I should go for it. 06*05*06 I'm 25. I'm over the hill; I got dentures and Depends today. Actually, I took off of work and cleaned my place, went shopping, got a full-body massage, and then ordered in Chinese food. It was a pretty good day. Last night I went out to dinner with Brook in the East Village, then we rented a karaoke room for an hour and sung our hearts out until the stroke of midnight hit and it was officially my birthday. Then we headed over to Motor City and drank for a little bit. I still can't figure out where to tell everyone to meet up for my birthday celebration Friday night. But mark my words, I will know by Friday. My mom didn't call me today to wish me happy birthday. She sent me a card with money last week, but I guess I thought she'd call today as well. I suppose we've had a bit of a falling out. Ever since I've been in therapy, I've been feeling angry towards her for a lot of things. We finally talked about a lot of those things a few weeks ago. I felt like it was possibly the beginning of us coming to an understanding, but we haven't talked since, so I guess not. Plus her birthday card to me basically said she doesn't think she did anything wrong and she's very proud of herself...you know, the kind of self-congratulatory birthday card a parent usually sends to their kid. Whatever. Thankfully I have great friends. The issue of Vice Magazine I'm gonna be in comes out in 10 days! 06*03*06 Just in case anyone forgot, it's my friggen birthday on Monday! I'm celebrating the following Friday...I just don't know what I'm doing yet. 06*02*06 Every now and then I get a whiff of something that reminds me of how a morgue smells and it grosses me out. It happened to me twice today; once in the lobby of the building I work in, and just now a smell drifted in my window as I was sitting at my desk. They're filming some of Spider-Man III in front of my building at work. All I saw were parked trailers though. Nonetheless I was pretty excited about it. I love being inside on rainy nights.
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