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Oh look at that, I have a date on Wednesday. With another actor no less. I don't think I ever mentioned that Ryan was an actor...and how fucking weird because this Domino's commercial he's in just came on as I was was typing that. Anywho, that obviously didn't pan out. Whaddya gonna do? Keep dating I guess. Alex drove to Park Slope and had drinks with me Saturday afternoon. She told me she was talking about me with her husband and said I was "boy crazy". But her husband disagreed and said "boy crazy" implies slutty and I only date with the intention of finding something serious. She agreed and took it back. But I would have to say I'm boy crazy in the sense that guys drive me crazy. Last night I met up with Brook at this bar called Barbès in Park Slope. She told me there was going to be a live jazz band there, and since I'm not big on jazz, I was somewhat reluctant to go. Not only did I end up liking the bar, but the band turned out to be amazing and I had the best time. They played "gypsy swing" and had the most talented guitar and violin player. A guy in front of me pretty much summed up the experience when he said "I've never felt so untalented in my life." So if you're ever in the area, check out Stephane Wrembel; they play at that same bar every Sunday night and it's free. I'm definitely going to check it out again when I get back from Montreal. Speaking of which, I leave for Montreal Friday morning! 07*29*06 Just cracked open a fortune cookie and here's my fortune: You and your wife will be happy in your life together. And here I was all worried! 07*28*06 I just accidentally backed into my couch and then apologized to it. Where's my head? 07*25*06 I had a donor today in the second tiniest morgue I've ever been in. I was just about to scrub up to perform the excision when a pathologist unlocked the door and peeked his head in. He looked at me, then looked at the donor and remarked, "Is that standard procedure?" gesturing towards my donor's bare nether regions. I didn't know what he was talking about at first, but then I noticed he was looking at me funny, like I was some kind of pervert. I then explained to him that we have to do a full body examination, which is why the donor was completely unwrapped. But I can't get over the fact that he was alluding to something dirty. Seriously, why the hell would I want to look at the naked corpse of an obese geriatric!? If I could skip that part of my procedure, trust me, I would. And a pathologist of all people should know better. What a turd. 07*24*06 Upon the recommendation of my therapist, I stopped checking my website stats as of last week. Well, I've still been checking to see how many hits I get a day, but I'm no longer checking to see where they're coming from. It's actually a lot harder to resist than I thought it would be. After all, this is something I've been checking almost every day for over two years. The reasoning behind her advice has to do with the anxiety I get when I think certain people are checking. I analyze people's motives way too much. Actually, I analyze everything way too much. Basically I'm just trying to drop habits that don't promote my overall well-being. It's not like I'm trying to kick a heroin addiction here, but the curiosity is sometimes overwhelming! 07*23*06 Oh no, I just checked and "The Beakers" is already taken. I'm suing. 07*23*06 It has come to my attention that bands now seem to be taking their names from science paraphernalia. For instance, The Spores and The Pipettes. Last night while drinking, Brook and I came up with a few more. I hope they're not already taken: I feel so lazy. But I must do laundry! Right after I finish watching Psycho. 07*21*06 I was just talking to Dan on the phone as he was walking past my apartment building to get on the subway. It was strange to see the person I was talking to as they were talking to me. I flashed my bare leg at him before he turned the corner. It was scandalous. Pretty calm week otherwise. Well, actually yesterday was an interesting day. I had a donor that was only a little younger than me who had died in a motorcycle accident. I did the procedure at the Medical Examiner's office and walked in on them performing three autopsies simultaneously. For the first time I finally saw a skull being sawed open. The whole thing was so surreal. One of my classmates from college was interning there, so he watched me do my procedure and helped out a bit. I momentarily felt like a big shot. Anyway, this donor was pretty messed up, and yes, they were wearing a helmet. Their whole face was scraped up and the bridge of their nose was cut all the way through. The rest of their body was covered in horrible road rash with some bones sticking out. I think that's the worst traumatic death injury I've ever seen...and I once had a donor whose body was struck by a car and supposedly projected over 50 feet before hitting the road. If there's anything I've learned from this job it's that one: I'd rather put a bullet through my head than let terminal cancer slowly kill me, and two: never ride a motorcycle. Oh, and actually I once had a donor who had put a bullet through his head because he was so sick, but he didn't do it right and lived for a few days. So the third thing I learned: make sure I know what I'm doing before I resort to drastic measures. I suppose you can apply that last one to a lot of things in life though. I also had an interesting therapy session yesterday. I told my therapist I felt like I wasn't making any progress, and she seemed to change her approach afterwards in a way that I felt helped me more. I hope that it continues like this from now on. Then again, she's going away for the whole month of August, so I guess I'll have to wait until September to see if things get much better. In the meantime, I have a bottle of wine that I must lend my attention to. 07*17*06 I'm so pissed. I wanted to buy tickets to see Sufjan Stevens at Town Hall at the end of September, but I had no idea when the tickets went on sale; the information was no where on the Town Hall or Ticketmaster site. So I decided to check again tonight on a whim, and lo and behold it went on sale on Saturday. Sneaky bastards. Luckily it hadn't sold out yet, but I had to get tickets for seats all the way up in the balcony. Hopefully I'll have another person to go with come time for the concert being that I bought two tickets. And if not, I could probably just turn a profit through Craigslist. I leave for Montreal in two and a half weeks! I bought a guide book last month and have been starring all the places I want to check out. Oddly enough wandering through a labyrinth is one of the activities I'm most excited about. If I can't find my way out, one of two things will happen. 1-I'll do what I did when I was five and trapped in a maze of glass at the boardwalk: scream and cry until someone rescues me, or 2-I'll freeze to death holding an axe like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. Should be interesting either way. 07*16*06 Check out these David Lynch ringtones. My favorite are "Kill Deer", "Teeth" and "Angst". What a freak. 07*16*06 I finally installed my air conditioner today. I only have two windows, so I wanted to hold off blocking a third of one as long as I could. Plus I was waiting to bump into my neighbor in the hall to ask for his help. But today I decided enough is enough and did it all by myself, and with a hangover. It feels so nice to be able to sit at my desk and not sweat. However, I can kiss my $25 a month electric bill goodbye. I went out drinking with my friend Dan last night. I felt like I needed a guy's opinion on certain matters. Also I just felt like I needed a drink...or four. He walked me home at the end of the night since he lives close by, and as were were saying goodbye he asked if I wanted to make out. It was cute. I just laughed and went inside. I suppose it would have been awkward if I was sober, then again I still think it's funny now. I usually don't get drunk that often, but I find that the times I have in the past few weeks have resulted in vicious hangovers that leave me vomiting. I just have to accept the fact that my stomach can't handle liquor like it once could. I threw up water I drank this morning for crying out loud! Fuck getting older. 07*15*06 I often hear people complain of the hazards of dating people off the internet; that you only know the person you're meeting based on the picture they've painted of themselves. Who knows if any of it's true? I think this is an ineffective argument given that the same could be said for meeting someone in a bar, or anywhere else for that matter. At first, all you ever really have to go on about a person is what they tell you. And actually, the internet can prove somewhat handy if you want to maybe Google their name and see what comes up. Or maybe read your boyfriend's e-mails when he's not around and find out what he really thinks about you (this happened to someone I know...no, not me). I find myself torn in a matter that has to do with snooping on the internet, and it's kind of left me in a position of wishing I had never looked at all. But if what I think is true, then I guess it's better I know now. If I'm wrong however, I will regret saying anything and come out looking like an asshole. Say something, don't say something? Tough call, but I had to go with the latter. I've been lied to far too much to even attempt to ignore it at this point. I don't think this will have a happy ending, but who knows? Stupid internet. 07*13*06 A guy I dated briefly a little over a month ago bought me a Sufjan Stevens album for my birthday. I didn't really give it a listen until recently, and I'm absolutely in love with it. I feel like I'm a little behind the times getting into this album only now. In any case, go buy or steal the album Illiinoise ASAP if you haven't already. I met a corneal recipient on Tuesday night at a work-related event. It's so refreshing and rewarding to finally meet someone I participated in helping. I deal so much with the death end of everything, it's easy to lose sight (no pun intended) of the fact that I'm contributing to improving the lives of people who are alive. Otherwise I've been feeling kind of out of sorts lately. I had one of those therapy sessions today where I had so much to say that 45 minutes flew by in what seemed like ten. I'm glad that I at least have that outlet. Need...dinner....now! 07*09*06 I suppose it's probably not a good idea to have too many dates crammed into one week with the same person. Regardless, Ryan and I had our third date last night. He met up with me in Park Slope and we went to a couple of bars in the area. Since he lives all the way on the Upper West Side, I figured it'd make more sense for him to stay over my place...and I also just wanted him to stay. But of course I made him sleep in the bathtub. And by bathtub I mean my bed. It was all perfectly innocent though. Well, not really, but that's no one's business. This morning we had brunch after lounging in bed for a bit. Actually Ryan had brunch while I just stared at my food since I was too nauseous from drinking last night to eat. I had a really good time (aside from the nausea). I really like this guy. Guess I just have to keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best. What more can I do? 07*08*06 I just made reservations at this bed & breakfast in Montreal. The owner said he was originally from the Bronx, but came to Montreal on vacation and never left. I booked my flight earlier this week, and of course got the days off approved by my boss prior to doing all this. I arranged it so I'll be gone during the small chunk of time in early August when there won't be any concerts happening here that I planned to go to. I'm really excited to get out of here. Last night I had a second date with Ryan, my date from Monday; we saw A Scanner Darkly. It was kind of confusing, but I liked it for the most part. We had some drinks afterwards and called it a night around 1 AM. I was so tired last night. I feel like I've been running around non-stop all week. Last night I was attempting to explain some of the nonsense I've had to put up with in past relationships since we were on the topic, and I found myself bored of hearing myself talk. I feel I've bitched about it to my friends already, and bitched about it to my therapist and bitched about it on here. And while Ryan hadn't heard it before, I felt like if I was boring myself, why in the world would he want to hear it? I suppose that doesn't really make sense. I guess I've just been feeling irritated for most of the week regarding what I mentioned on the 3rd, so I didn't want to provoke my irritation further by talking about past relationships. Anyway, I hope I didn't come off as a total weirdo. I have three Netflix movies begging to be watched today. I must go and attend to this. 07*04*06 I finally had a really good first date last night. It's a phenomenon that hasn't happened in over a year. We met up at Rififi for their Monday night horror movie screening; last night they played Uncle Sam: I Want You...Dead! It was friggen awful, but a fun watch nonetheless. We hung out at the bar for a few hours after the movie, and then as he walked me to the subway station around 3 in the morning, we stopped periodically on the sidewalk to kiss. Very nice first date indeed. 07*03*06 I suppose an explanation for my previous entry is in order. Stephen, an ex-friend of Chad's and current friend of Matt's, obsessively reads this journal. Since Stephen lives to spread gossip, he apparently reported to Matt that I still write about him and was calling him names. First of all, I only mentioned him once last month to sum up the pathetic attempt we had at a friendship in an effort to end that chapter of my life...at least in this journal. Second of all, I called him a prick because that's exactly how he acted towards me on the phone for no reason several weeks ago. Lastly, why am I defending myself? Chad's group of friends (and ex-friends) are the biggest bunch of drama queens I've ever had the displeasure of knowing; it's hard to believe all of them are nearly 30. The thing that's most ridiculous of all is the false show of camaraderie both Stephen and Chad were willing to lend to Matt when they learned of this recent "atrocity" I've added to the list of things I've apparently done to Matt. Here is where I was going to write about all the backstabbing things they've all said about one another, but I leave it for them to figure out who exactly the people they call "friends" are. The only thing I care about is not having anything to do with them ever again. Which is why I'd prefer to forgo anymore potential drama that would most likely be caused by saying more than I have. I'm doing this in both an effort to maintain my sanity and my happiness. The sooner I'm detached from all traces of that drama-inducing, self-pitying group of liars, the better. Back to things I actually care about: I now have to get ready for my date. 07*02*06 Dear Stephen, You suck. Stop reading this. Love, 07*02*06 I've been thinking about taking a trip to Montreal by myself for a while, but this weekend I finally decided to do it. If I get the days off approved by my supervisor, then I hope to be leaving around the beginning of August for 7 days and 6 nights. My boss also told me they most likely want me to go to San Francisco come November to take the test to become a certified eye bank technician. I've also wanted to go to San Francisco forever, so if that pans out, I can hopefully take some extra vacation days after the test to explore the city...all whilst having my round-trip ticket paid for by the eye bank. I saw the Strangers With Candy movie with Melissa today. I promised her I'd wait to see it with her, so I didn't see it opening night. It was only ok. Since I have yet to see a great movie based on a TV comedy show, I wasn't really expecting greatness anyway. Aside from a date I think I have tomorrow night, there's really not much else worth mentioning. 07*02*06 I'm playing this song next time I DJ:
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