7*31*03 I was fine. I thought of Rob rarely and I was dating other people. I thought I was over him completely. And while I know he probably had nothing but good intentions when he messaged me, it's done nothing but dredge up the past for me. I find myself thinking about him a lot more now and wanting to hang out and hoping for things to happen again...And hypothetically speaking, if things were to happen, nothing would be different and us together would most likely fail miserably again. Still hypothetically speaking, why should I even give us another shot when he's the one who ruined things? This is what I've been doing to myself all week: running one hypothetical situation after another through my head. I know I shouldn't jump the gun like this, but this is how I work. I can't find the switch on me to make it stop. I think he messaged me because either 1) he's feeling guilty about what went down at the end of our relationship, wanted to make amends with me and have me in his life as a friend, or 2) all of what I said in number one plus he's thinking he made a mistake and wants to see if there's a chance for us to get back together again. And I guess number two is more what I was hoping for, not particularly because I definitely want to get back together, but I guess because that's something that's never happened to me before. It'd be nice if someone missed me so much that after almost two months apart they'd still want to be with me. But from my experience, number two is the most unlikely scenario. 7*30*03 Who puts mini-clouds all over their bedroom walls!? I'll tell you who, my ex-roommate! Like I needed another reason to hate that moron. I'm trying to get her old room ready for Rachael and me to paint on Saturday, and I'm noticing all the damage she did to walls. There are rips in the wall from what looks like nails that wouldn't stay put, she dripped wax down the wall and it burned through the trim, there are huge, gooey tape residue marks everywhere, and there are those fucking clouds! I'm trying to rip them off but the paper keeps tearing and leaving bits and pieces behind. Grrrr. It looks like a 5-year-old lived there. But that was Bexxxxxx in a nut shell. 7*29*03 I was bored before so I put my new dress on and took some pictures. Then I forced my kittens to join me. Yes, I'm a dork. 
7*28*03 Melissa and Shawn came over tonight and finally got to see my kittens and my apartment since I've redecorated it. They said it was fabulous, which it is. I'm in wierd mood. I decided on a roommate finally and e-mailed her today to tell her she could move in. But then I talked to Rachael on the phone not too long after and she told me that she's breaking up with Bernard and asked for a second shot at being my roommate. It was a tough decision because I'm worried about Rachael backing out on me again, and this other girl was a sure thing. But on the other hand Rachael is one of my best friends and I really do want her to live with me. So I decided to take a chance with Rachael and e-mailed the other girl some lie about why she can't move in. I feel like an asshole. And now that I think about it I don't know why I didn't just tell the girl the truth because it sounded a lot better than the lame excuse I gave her. Ugh. Rob messaged me through Friendster and said he wants us to talk again. We haven't spoken to eachother in over a month. I don't know what's going on with him. My mom thinks he has alterior motives for messaging me, but he's not sinister like that. I don't know. It's all just wierd because back in the beginning of June I was going crazy because Rachael backed out of living with me and Rob didn't really seem to want to have much to do with me. And now everything just did a complete flip and it all happened within two days. Well, I guess if things really did a complete flip, Rob and I would be back together. But I'm not even thinking about that or suggesting that's what I want. I just mean the recent turn of events seemed wierd to me, hence the wierd mood I'm in. Well, at least I get to live with my friend as originally planned. I'm happy I can be there for her to help her get through this. I'm convinced the heat radiating from this laptop is making me sweat, so I need to get away from it asap. 7*27*03 Melissa took this picture of me while we were huddled underneath Nathan's in Coney Island to escape the rain last week. 
Critical Mass was fantastic on Friday. I rode the whole way with my friend Ari from Friendster. There were at least a whole 2 blocks full of bikers. We took over the Queens bound side of the Queensboro Bridge and rode to some party in Queens. But the party was kind of boring so Ari and I rode to Williamsburg, got something to eat, and then went to some party he was invited to. I got invited to another party while I was there that happened last night. The guys were nice enough, but I didn't want to go by myself. Actually last night I did another bike ride which went through Central Park and then along the Hudson River. It was nice. There was a guy rollerblading on the ride and we talked the whole way. I was saying something about how I wanted to ride over the George Washington Bridge one day and he said how about Sunday, and I said ok. But now I'm thinking of ways to get out of it and since it seems like it's going to rain I think that will be my excuse. Anyway, I've procrastinated taking my car to the mechanic for several days now. Since I want to drive to NJ tomorrow to get a hair cut, I have to take the car in today. Off I go, vroooom. 7*24*03 I tried to write in here earlier today but my mouse stopped working and I had to reboot. I hate this laptop! I went out with another guy I met through Friendster today. Actually Rachael suggested him to me through the site and he invited me to go see Conan O'Brian with him today. How can you say no to that? You can't! I'm really glad I went. It was really funny. Although the guy I went with is not my type really at all, but he was nice enough. Friendster is getting me a lot of dates. Well, to me it's a lot considering before I didn't really go on any. Then I met up with Melissa and Shawn at Veg City Diner because I was famished. Aside from the burrito I ate, I also had a very big, stong vodka and cranberry cocktail and it kinda went to my head. I'm still a little tipsy. I'm so excited for Critical Mass tomorrow. I've decided I want to go out and get drunk this weekend. Even though the two people I've invited to go with me so far are going away this weekend, I'm determined to find someone else to fulfill my alcoholic indulgence with. I have a few more people to show the apartment to this weekend. Two girls came yesterday that were both really nice and tops in my books. But I had more in common with one than the other, and today I was looking at her application more carefully and it turns out her birthday is a day after mine. We're destined to be roommates! Actually I don't really care, I just thought that was a neat coincidence. 7*22*03 Rachael finally sent me pictures that she took of my kittens when I first got them. They're so cute!
I just got back from NJ a few hours ago. I had to clean my apartment a little bit because I have some people coming over tomorrow to look at it. I already listed the place once on Craig's List, but it didn't work out too well. This time around I added more stuff to the ad and some pictures and already the turn out is better. It stinks I can't afford to live here alone because I really enjoy not having a roommate. So I took Milo to the vet and it turns out he had conjunctivitis (pink eye) and a cold with a fever. I'm putting cream in his eyes and giving him oral medication as well now. I brought him with me to NJ because I was scared to leave him alone. I think he likes me more now. I hung out with Rory last night since he was visiting family in Bricktown. We went to the boardwalk and took pictures in the photobooth and went on the ferris wheel that has the cars that spin around. It was fun but it reminded me too much of high school and I wasn't sorry to leave. Then we went back to my mom's house and watched a scary movie we rented and drank beer and scared eachother. Actually I scared him and he spilled his beer on himself. That silly boy. Unfortunately I have to go to work tomorrow, so it's bedtime now. 7*20*03 Last night I was told I was very beautiful, but very bizarre. Which I take to be a compliment of the highest order. At least I'm not ordinary. I finally met my Friendster friend Daniel last night for his birthday party at his apartment. I got there too early and ended up staying until 2:30 AM. I even met another Friendster friend there that I was feuding with online at one point; but we reconciled and all was well. I had fun and everyone was nice to me even though I didn't know them. I told Daniel we should go bicycling today but my hangover has kept me in bed sleeping most of the morning. Actually my mom decided to be inconsiderate and wake me with a phone call around 9 AM. But I went back to bed around noon after I changed some pictures around of me on this site's photo page. I was suddenly a little embarressed of some of the stuff that was there. Milo's eye gook has progressively gotten worse and his little eyes are all red and I feel so bad for him. I have to rearrange my work schedule and take him to the vet tomorrow morning. Poor 'lil fella :( 7*18*03 To bike, or not to bike; that was the question. And I decided to take my chances with the rain and bike to Coney Island. After all, the sky and forecast were the same last Friday for my bike trip over the bridges, and it just drizzled for about 10 minutes. But no, it downpoured on us just as we got there. We all huddled under the awning of Nathan's, forcing me to pig out on french fries. Oh whoops, I mean freedom fries. After about a half hour of futiley waiting for the rain to let up, Melissa, her girlfriend Shawn and I took the subway back home. Hopefully tomorrow will be nice for my ride through Central Park with Rachael and Bernard. I'm so pissed I didn't get to watch burlesque or go on any of the rides tonight! And this is the second time I was supposed to meet the same Friendster friend for the first time on a bike ride and it didn't happen. Arg. I hope I can sleep late tomorrow. My mind usually automatically wakes me up early for some god awful reason. Then I have to get up and watch Recess on TV before I can go back to bed. Oh but it's such a good cartoon! Ech, I feel sticky. My kittens are crying because they want me to pet them but I have my bedroom door shut. That's what happens when you shit in my room kitties! Aw, Milo must have fallen asleep with gook in his eye because this morning it had dried one of his eyes shut. I had to open it for him. Gross...yet so cute. Yeah, I really have nothing of worth to write about. 7*17*03 Ok I'm back at my apartment now. I decided to take my crappy digital camera out and take some pictures. It seems that for about a year every time I've tried to take pictures of myself, I'm so unhappy with the results I don't even bother saving them. Hence the old, oudated pictures of me on this site. But for some reason today was different. Here I am (and my new shoes!):
 Great news! I got a C in Organic Chemistry II!!!! So now I don't have to go to school for an extra year on top of the six years I'll already be going to college! I can't believe I got a C. My teacher must have liked me or something because there's no way I earned that grade. Yippee! My boss left for a little bit, so I'm utilizing this time to slack off. I've been here for four hours and I think I've done a full half hour's worth of work. It's not really my fault, he just doesn't give me enough stuff to do. My ex-boyfriend Adam called me last night and told me he felt the same way about The Royal Tenenbaums as I did. I was so relieved. Although he did say he liked Rushmore...but truth be told, I never saw it, so I can't really judge. I'm going on a group bike ride to Coney Island tomorrow night. I can't wait. I'm gonna ride the Cyclone and watch burlesque on the beach and fireworks. Hopefully Rachael will come, but if not I think we'll go biking through Central Park on Saturday. And then Critical Mass is just around the corner! I bet it's going to be even bigger than the last one. I'm really looking forward to it. I think my short-lived friendship with Jason has come to an end. Ah well, what's a girl to do? I'm not chasing after anybody if they're not gonna make an effort as well. Anyway, there's plenty more prospective Friendster friendships out there! Although it would have been nice to have a friend that looks like Morrissey, but Geoff will have to do for now. 7*15*03 I'm at my mom's house right now. I rented a bunch of movies last night and watched them as I put a cupboard together for my mom. That friggen thing was not designed right! But after many hours of cursing, I got it all together. Whether it will hold anything now is another story. I don't know why, but I woke up this morning thinking about why I hate Wes Anderson (a.k.a. director of Royal Tenenbaums, Bottle Rocket, Rushmore). I think I'm the only person I know who hates him and his movies. They're just so pretentious. He tries to have all these glorious melodramatic moments set to "cool" indie music and it makes me ill. Take the Royal Tenenbaums: if Anderson were to throw out the fashion styles of the cast and the music, the plot simply crumbles! I can't believe I'm the only one who sees through his movies. One day I shall find another. Anyway, I bought too much stuff yesterday that I had to dip into my savings account to pay for it all. I decided I'm going to get this poster to hang above the couch in my living room. Then I'll hang my tin signs of The Bride of Frankenstein and Creature from the Black Lagoon on either side of it since they're small. I need more classic horror movie posters! But first I need more money! Arg. 7*14*03 I biked all weekend. I did that Prospect Park bike tour Saturday night, which was much calmer than the bridge tour. Then yesterday I hung out with Rachael. I guess all my bike talk inspired her to get one, so we went to a few places in Manhattan and she got a Raliegh vintage reproduction bike with big whitewall tires. Then we went back to my place with her bike to get my bike so we we could ride together. We biked from my place, over the Manhattan Bridge and all the way to Harlem. It was very strenuous, but we felt so great after we did it. We rented Freaks and watched it at her place. Then I biked down Park Avenue to Union Square around 10:30 PM. What a great day. I love my bike! I'm going back to NJ tonight to spend the day with my mom tomorrow. She bought me a season beach pass and I haven't used it yet. Mostly because I hate the beach. But it's not too hot out right now, so it shouldn't be too bad tomorrow. I felt like I owed her a mother/daughter day anyway since she spent so much time on my hair and nails Saturday. A while ago I stopped making her dye my eyebrows red when she dyed my hair, but for some reason I made her dye them Saturday and now it looks pretty stupid. Oh well. My kittens are crazy. Milo has taken to scaling the screen on the window. It scares me because I don't know how much weight that thing can hold before it rips open or falls off. He's just a baby though, so he's not that heavy, but still! I'd never forgive myself if he plummeted four stories down to his death. Ohhh he's sooo cute. I just wanna squish him with love. Jack is cute too, he just gets a little overbearing when I pet him. He feels the need to lick ever orifice on my head; it's wierd! Ok, I'm sounding like a crazy cat lady, so I'll stop here. 7*11*03 I feel fucking fantastic! I just rode my bike over the Queensboro, Pulaski, Williamsburg and Manhattan Bridges. Then I rode all the way home from the Brooklyn Bridge, taking the long way through Prospect Park. Keeping in mind I haven't ridden anything remotely challenging in many years, this was just a tad too difficult for my first challenging ride. A one speed bike is by no means easy to ride up inclines; especially inclines on bridges. Plus I forgot to bring water with me. I even begged for water from the group I rode with to no avail. Bastards. Wow, talk about a bunch of bike geeks! And I thought Melissa was bad. These people had friggen mini side mirrors attached to their special bike goggles! Ew and I just remembered there was this one guy wearing spandex, and I suspect with no underwear...I could see the outline of the crown of his penis! Fucking gross! Well, I wasn't there to socialize really, I just wanted to do the ride...and I'm so glad I did. Tomorrow I'm going to NJ for a few hours so my mom can do my nails and dye my hair. Then I'm coming back home to do another night bike ride through Prospect Park. A Friendster buddy is gonna meet up with me there. Geoff might come too. But he'll most likely stay home and watch Headbanger's Ball. Bastard. Hmmm, a little side note: Rob told me to stop writing about him on here a few weeks ago. And I basically told him no, and if it bothered him not to read it. But coincidentally I stopped writing about him around the same time. I just didn't want him thinking I did so because he said so; it's more because I've finally reached that point of numbness where I don't give a crap anymore. It took two long weeks, but I'm over him! I'm having more fun now that I'm single anyway. Ok, my overdue exhaustion just struck me and I need to sleep. 7*06*03 What a busy weekend! I picked Katrina up from NJ Friday afternoon; then we went back to Brooklyn. We had dinner in Manhattan and went to some bar where some guy without fingers kept hitting on us. Very wierd. Then we went to the Brooklyn Promenade to watch the Macy's fireworks. It happened 45 minutes late, but I guess it was worth the wait since we had such a great view and they were by far the best fireworks I've ever seen. Saturday morning Rory came over and he, Katrina and I drove to Philly to see Rory in his new play. It was not a good time for my car's air conditioning to stop working. I had to change shirts in an alley when we got to Philly because the one I was wearing was sopping wet. We met up with Melissa and her girlfriend when we got there. The play was really interesting and Rory was fantastic. He's all grown up! It's so strange. It seems like only yesterday he was a pimply kid with braces getting beat up in high school. I drove everyone back home from Philly really late last night and got to bed around 3 AM. Today I saw 28 Days Later with Jason. So I guess he must not have thought I acted like a moron the first time we hung out. Plus I didn't stumble all over my words this time around, so I feel like I redeemed myself a little. Then right after the movie I went over to Pier 25 to meet another guy from friendster for swing dancing. He was nice. It was more a friendly-type meeting. Not to say that things between Jason and I are more than friendly, but I think there's potential for something more. I'm not holding my breath or anything. I probably shouldn't rush into anything too soon anyway since I just got out of a long-term relationship. But if I meet someone I like and it feels right, I'm not going to stop things from happening simply because the time frame isn't by the book. Anyway, swing dancing was fun. My feet hurt and I'm still pretty sucky at it. I thought tonight would be the night I'd become an expert. Eh, one day I'll get better at it. In the meantime, I'm friggen tired and I must go to bed. 7*01*03
 How evil are you? Wow, and I wasn't even trying to get that, I just answered honestly. Mwahaha.
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