all the things you knew I've written about you

I'm not too thrilled about this extra day in February business. Now instead of Halloween falling on a Saturday, it'll fall on a stinkin' Sunday. Stupid leap year. Anyway, I had a blast last night. Katrina and I got to the gay club too early and walked in on horrid line dancing. I'd rather have walked in on a huge gay orgy. So we had to wait about an hour for that bit of nastiness to be over before we could shake our moneymakers. By the time that moment arrived, I was so pent up with inner dance aggression that I threw my usual coyness to the dance floor to the wind. I danced my ass off. I even danced when no one else was dancing, thereby causing other people to come on the dance floor. I started a dance craze! Then Katrina wanted to go to her usual bar to see some of her other friends and some salsa band. I was less than thrilled to go, but complied anyway. It was pretty packed and not too bad. Katrina wanted me to dance to the band, but I told her it wasn't my type of music. After a while though I said fuck it and danced with her. I don't think I've ever danced so much or as well as I did last night. Go me.

I failed my car inspection because my car is emitting 8 times more than the normal amount of carbon monoxide. And here I thought my dizzy spells while driving were normal. Just kidding. I was supposed to go see my friend do a Polar Bear Plunge in Point Pleasant today, but I got there late and missed the whole friggen thing. I was pretty pissed. Then I talked with my mom for a little bit about dancing at the gay club and she asked me again if I was gay. I got even more pissed and she said she was just joking. She sure didn't sound like she was though. We were also discussing my long-awaited graduation next year. I had wanted a violin for my graduation present, but my mom said she wants to give me $1500 to go to France. I think I'll take that instead. I have a feeling I won't really use the violin enough, whereas I will use France plenty.

I got some film developed from rolls of film I've had since as early as the beginning of last year. One picture I got back was of a cut on the side of Rob's eye. There's actually a funny story that goes along with that, and lucky for you I will share it. Rachael had thrown a house warming party in Harlem at her place with her now-ex-boyfriend. Rob decided to drink a ridiculous amount of liquor to enable him to be more sociable. So time passed, yadda yadda, we decided to leave around 1 or 2 in the morning. We were walking down the stairs of the subway station and Rob decided to slide down the handrail. It was something he always did which I've always been envious of since I'm too short for my butt to reach the railing. So, as he was sliding down the railing, I thought to myself, "wow, I can't believe he can do that even when he's drunk." The second that thought was over, Rob reached the end of the railing and landed fine, but momentum got the better of him and he kept right on going smack into the wall. He put his hand to his head and looked up to the top of the stairs at me with what I thought was embarrassment, and then walked to the subway platform. I had to take a minute to stop my uncontrollable laughter before I joined him. I was still trying to keep a straight face as I approached him sitting on a bench covering his face. Then I saw blood pouring out from between his fingers and I freaked out. I ran over to him and made him move his hand to reveal the huge cut on the side of his eye. His whole face was covered with blood. I started crying and told him we had to get him to a hospital for stitches, but he refused. Some kids ran and got him paper towels instead, the next best thing to stitches. We didn't want to get on the subway with his face covered in blood, so I went back to Rachael's to get wet paper towels to clean Rob up with while he waited in her lobby. Finally the bleeding somewhat subsided and he was all cleaned up. We were walking back to the subway station when he realized he left his wallet on the bench in the station. We looked all over for it, but it was gone. Anyway, needless to say, that was a bad night. A memorable one, but bad.

Rob's infamous cut. It needed stitches damn it!	Jason and me on New Year's Eve. This one kinda made me sad :(	One of Rory's Christmas gifts to me	As you can see, I really liked the gift
Thought I'd post pictures of my apartment to show off	There're one, two, three cats in this picture. Can you see them all?	I went through hell to get that couch. Then my cats destroyed it.	This is the lovely Katrina at her lovely house

My boss just left me alone for a bit, so I figured I'd be bad and write in here. It's freezing in here! I was going to do several things tonight but decided to stay home. I'm tired. I got to bed pretty late last night for no particular reason. I have to get up early tomorrow morning to drive to the NJ Motor Vehicles to get my car inspected. Fun. The rest of the day should be interesting though. I planned to do a little shopping, pick up some pictures I took a year ago and never got developed, maybe run on the boardwalk, and maybe paint my mom's banister like I promised I'd do as her Christmas present (better late than never). Saturday night I'm going to a gay club in Asbury Park with Katrina to go dancing. I went there once with my brother over Thanksgiving break. I usually prefer dancing in gay clubs because one--I'm a fag hag, and two--I don't have to worry about what cute boy saw me dance like a moron because they're all gay! Ah, it really is a beautiful thing. I told my mom I was going and I think she got worried I'm gay. She asked, "Well, why do you have to go to gay club and blah blah?" I suppose I can't blame her for being somewhat paranoid having one gay son and whatnot. But still, I've had how many boyfriends now? Get a clue mom.

Katrina and I are possibly planning a trip to San Francisco in the beginning of April. I'm going to try and convince her to hold off until the end of May when I get out of school so we can go to Paris for a few weeks instead. Either way I'm looking forward to that. I ordered a lime green IPod mini from apple.com. I won't get it for another week or so, but I'm excited. I know I could have paid $50 more and got the regular IPod which has 11 more gigs, but it wouldn't have matched my bedroom walls. And that's really what I look for in an mp3 player--it's ability to blend with my surroundings.

I'm feeling a little better as far as my lonely state is concerned. I think it was mostly brought on by not going to school for a whole week (I had off) and not really doing anything last weekend. Plus I missed a whole week of running when I didn't go to school. I feel so much better about myself when I work out. I love running. My goal is to lose 20 pounds. I'm very optimistic about achieving this. I even bought a tube top type shirt in anticipation of the happy day. Wouldn't be the first time I bought something with intentions of losing weight to look good in it. I know I'm not the only one who does this though! Yeah, I'm talkin' about you! Ok, so I guess this is the part where I go back to work. : (

Lately I feel like I've been missing Rob. Actually, it's an on and off thing I've been going through ever since we broke up. It's usually off. And for it to even be on for a little bit at this point is silly really since we broke up almost nine months ago. It's even sillier that I still feel hurt a little by the whole break up. Not so much to the point where I'm still sad. I guess I sort of feel like my heart was torn a little bit and crappily re-sewn. Maybe I still have issues I need to work out with him, or myself. Probably myself. I don't really know what he can say that wouldn't make me feel worse anyway. Plus we're pseudo-friends now. Meaning we say we're friends but we never talk or hang out. So if I were to start bringing up the past now, I know he'd probably get weirded out. As would I if any of my other ex's were to do the same with me. And I know that Rob is COMPLETELY different than when I started dating him, so there's no point in lingering on something that could never ever be the same again. But, and I'm sure most people do this, when I'm single and/or bored, my mind wanders back to a time when I think I was happy with a boy. Of course my memory is selective and I tend to block out everything that was bad. And there was a lot that was bad. I guess I just miss a feeling I used to have around him. Maybe I miss feeling as though I'm in love. Who knows?! In any case, it'll pass soon. I just felt like writing about it.

I'm bored, I'm bored, I'm bored. And the thing is, I don't really want to do anything to remedy my situation. So I guess that would just make me boring. I have been on a diet for over a month. I've consumed under 1000 calories every day (except maybe one or two days) and I started running again. Have I lost weight? No! So when I got home last night I took out a box of crackers and ate the whole thing. I'm pissed off at my diet. I sure taught it a lesson today when I ate sugar cookie dough. Ugh, I'm gross.

Ok, so the thing about going out is this: I live 8 blocks from the subway and at least 35 minutes from Union Square once on the subway...assuming I don't have to wait 10 minutes for a train once I get to the station. Then once I'm there, I usually hop on a cross-town bus and head over to alphabet city. So it takes me about an hour to get to a bar to hang out. It sucks. And if it's not warm weather, like, oh, say...wintertime, it takes a lot of self-convincing to leave the comfort and warmth of my apartment. Now, I could make a few calls and probably find someone to hang out with if I wanted to. But I just don't want to go through all that traveling! I want to teleport to the bar. I want to live closer to Manhattan! Or at least the subway. Poor me.

Anyway, Netflix has been feeding my recent more than usual obsession with Sex and the City. Season five and the beginning of season four were mailed to me yesterday. That's pretty much been keeping me busy all day. And tomorrow I'm heading to Carlos's to watch the last episode. I don't want to get all girly and start crying in front of him, but I think that's pretty much a given. Grrr I want it to be warm again! I feel so lazy. I'm contemplating taking a kickboxing class tomorrow at noon. Maybe a good kick is what I need.

I've been working on Rachael's website for over a month now (non-consecutively), and I've finally finished the front page. It needs some minor touch ups, but for the most part it's done. The rest of the site is still in the works, but mostly done as well. By the way, it's 6:30 in the morning. I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, so I figured I'd write in here until I bored myself to sleep. I just kicked Milo out because he's a little shit. I can hear him throwing himself up against my door now. But I must admit, he's still calmer than he was before I had him neutered.

Soooo, Valentine's Day was a bust. A bunch of people cancelled out of coming to my party last minute and only three people ended up coming over. Of course by that point I had already bought too much food and went through way more preparation than I had to. I was pretty upset about the turn out, so I called my mom and cried to her (it's my party and I'll cry if I want to!). My mom sort of helped me calm down. Then I called Kirsten and yelled at her for backing out. I think I just needed to yell at someone. Anyway, that got most of my angst out and I was able to put on a chipper face when my three guests arrived. We watched My Bloody Valentine and then started on He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not when I decided to make my broken heart martinis. I finished mine pretty quick. Adam didn't like his, so I drank his as well. Then the room started spinning a little so I went into my room to lay down for a second. That was around 11:15ish. I woke up around 2:30 in the morning. I slept through my party! I actually think it's pretty funny, but I still felt bad I had abandoned my guests without saying anything. Carlos said my famous last words were: "Wow, these drinks are really strong!" Hehe.

Sunday I went to NJ to visit my mom and Katrina. I had dinner with my mom and then watched an enthralling episode of Sex and the City. Yes, I like that show...shut up. I can't believe next Sunday is the last episode! Carlos and I are getting together to watch it. Anyway, Sunday night I hung out with Katrina and went to some bar in Asbury Park. She got pretty drunk and I ended up sleeping over. I had fun. I missed her! I wish she'd move in with me when Rachael moves out, but Katrina doesn't want to live in the city. How can anyone not want to live here!? I guess since I've wanted to live here since I was in middle school, it astonishes me when people don't feel the same way. Eh.

What the fuck!? Milo is trying to eat my records now! Grrrr. Where was I? Ah yes, my internet meeting on Friday night went well. Thomas was very nice and we talked for a while. It's very rare that I meet a New Yorker who doesn't seem stuck up in some way. But alas, my weekend of excessive drinking has caught up with me and I now have a cold. That's partially why I can't fall back asleep. That and my cats are driving me crazy. Hmmm, nothing else to report. Back to bed I go!

I'm at work right now. I probably have to write this in intervals since my boss is bound to come check on me every now and then. How dare he not trust me! I haven't had much to write this month as you can see. Nothing that exciting going on in my life. I was feeling a little down in the dumps for a few days. I got to thinking about relationships and how negative I am about them. I felt like I had no hope that anything would ever work out. Katrina and I spent hours on the phone discussing the whole thing. She's on the same boat I am...or at least tied to the dingy attached to my boat. Last night I got a little tipsy and was complaining to Patrick that guys never think to do the simplest things that would make their girlfriends so happy. For instance, getting them flowers for no reason. I'm not talking $50 bouquets here, I just mean a crappy little daisy or something. We love that stuff! Anyway, he told me he was guilty of neglecting to do things like that until he met Rachael. Then it occurred to me that maybe those guys I've dated in the past didn't think to do that stuff for me because they just weren't feeling that way about me. I suppose when the right guy comes along he'll want to do that stuff for me, not because I mentioned it 20 million times, but because he's head over heels about me. Well, that's the revelation I had in the shower this morning while I was getting ready for work.

So my Anti-Valentine's Day party is tomorrow night. I have 5-6 people coming, which I guess would make my "party" more of a gathering. I have an even ratio of boys to girls coming. too. And no one knows each other. Should be interesting at the very least. I joined Netflix so I could rent some obscure 80s horror flick called My Bloody Valentine. I thought it would be appropriate. I went to H&M last night to get some clothes I've been meaning to buy forever and can actually afford at the moment thanks to money I got back on a loan. I almost had a heart attack when I saw their new line: 50s inspired everything! I went nuts. I went to the dressing room twice I had so much stuff. And I didn't even buy everything I wanted too. I have to go back soon.

So I have a meeting/date type thing tonight with someone I've been talking to online. I haven't met anyone off the internet since Jason. And we all know how that went. This is actually the first internet meeting I've initiated. I decided I need to make some sort of effort if I'm going to complain I never meet anybody. Then at least I know I've tried. Then I can complain. Hmmm, my boss hasn't checked on me yet. This is too good to be true. I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.