12*31*04 It's 1 in the morning. I don't have to go to my internship today so I'm staying up kinda late perusing the internet. I was looking at a list of the Worst Natural Disasters In History to see how this latest one compared. I wasn't surprised that there were worse death tolls from other disasters, but I was surpised that there was an earthquake last year in Iran that killed 50,000 people. Where was I? Why don't I remember this? In fact I don't remember any of those disasters that happened in my lifetime. Granted I didn't pay attention to the news so much when I was younger. But still. The flood in China in 1959 that killed 2 million people was surprising to me as well. It's weird to me that something killed more people than two atomic bombs and I never heard about it. In fact, between 1931-1959 6 million people died in China due to flooding. I guess the Great Wall didn't double as a dam. On a side note, Carlos said that he thinks RL is moody based on the picture I have posted of him. I caught him off guard! I was trying to take it quick so he didn't think I was being weird about it. But who knows, maybe he is moody. I barely know the guy! Anyway, I'm going to bed now. 12*30*04 Some evil person brought in donuts today at the crime lab. I couldn't resist. It was awful. I feel like a junkie. I think I eat donuts once a year, so I guess it's not so bad. It's so hard not to eat shitty this time of year! After New Year's I'm going cold turkey. No more eating--ever again. I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do for New Year's Eve for almost 3 weeks now. I've researched my possibilities and have taken into consideration what I can and cannot afford, and I've decided to head over to Luke and Leroy's with my friends. It's the most appealing thing going on tomorrow night that's inexpensive. If I was rich however, I'd most likely go to Misshapes. But I'm not. I don't wanna party with a bunch of rich snobs anyway. How dare those elitists charge $100! Anyway, if I'm not completely wasted...I mean tired by 2 AM, I'm heading on over to Motherfucker which goes from 2-8. If I don't see myself able to stay up until at least 5 AM, it's not worth the $25 to get in. I'm guessing most of the people there will be on some sort of drugs to stay up that late. Coooooool. I'm pretty sure whatever happens, tomorrow night promises to be fun. More fun than those sad sad people in Times Square will be having. Why would anyone subject themselves to that torture? I went to Times Square on New Year's Eve a few years ago after work. I walked up the subway stairs, looked at the ball, walked back down the stairs and went home. So now I can say I've been in Times Square on New Year's Eve. I can't wait to sleep late tomorrow morning. After I work out I'm going dress shopping. But I'll most likely just wear what I wore last year. Since I don't even speak to the people I was with last New Year's when I wore it, no one will know! Except of course if my friends read this. Which they probably will. Curses! You know what would suck? If my crush found this site. Oh well. Happy New Year's! 12*28*04 I'm in the process of trying to donate money to some earthquake fund online but the site is being really slow. I can't even imagine how fucking scary that must have been. I'm glad I live in a part of the world where natural disasters rarely happen. Ours are all man-made. I'm actually shocked at what little coverage the earthquake got on the 26th. The news spent more time talking about the day in sports than they did on this huge disaster. I know the circumstances were completely different, but the news spent a week straight talking about nothing but 9-11 back when that happened (not that they've stopped). Hell they spent longer talking about the "snow storm" we were supposed to get last week which resulted in a centimeter of flakes. It seems to me that unless the tragedy occurs on our soil or America is somehow involved, the news pays no mind. Also, when I was listening to the news the other day they said something about how $4-5 million in aid was being sent to help. Big deal! Seven countries were decimated and almost 55,000 people are dead, and that's the best they can do? That's crap. Arg the website I was going to donate money to made my browser freeze. I'll have to save the world tomorrow. In other not-at-all important news, I went back to the Y today with hopes of repeating my glorious run from yesterday despite some aches I was feeling. But my aches soon turned into muscle spasms once I started running, so I'm gonna have to hold off on running until I heal whatever I did to myself yesterday. I knew yesterday's run was too good to be true! Oh and I didn't think the remake of the Manchurian Candidate was all that great. The original is still so much better. The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavara was pretty funny. Haven't got to the Dodgeball movie though. Stay tuned. 12*27*04 I just joined the YMCA down the street from me and ran 2.5 miles in a little over a half hour. Considering I haven't been running regularly since probably February or March, I'd say that's pretty good. I owe most of it to my new kicks and the music I was listening to. I was surprised at how nice the gym and the people turned out to be. I've been meaning to check that place out for over a year now. I got three Netflix movies in the mail today. I can't wait to watch them: The Manchurian Candidate (2004), The Lost Skeleton of Cadavara, and Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. Why I got that last one is beyond me. I had a weak moment. I was very against seeing The Manchurian Candidate remake because I loved the original, but everyone seemed to like it so I figured I'd give it a go. And that's what I'll do now. This entry is boring. Sorry. 12*26*04 As promised, here are some pictures from my outing on the 23rd and, most importantly, pictures of my crush! Perhaps now you may understand why it took me months to even talk to him. My mom was very good to me this Christmas. My laptop was part of my Christmas present, so I didn't expect much else. But she also got me really great running sneakers and a running suit in support of my goal to run the 2006 NYC Marathon. I'm glad she has faith in me. It means a lot. Now all I need is RL as my running partner and I'm all set! 12*24*04 My worst fear came true yesterday--my crush came to the test late. But my teacher put our names on all our tests and then put the tests out on the tables where we should sit. Luckily he sat my crush two seats away from me. So as he was passing me to sit down, I asked him to come out for drinks with my friends and me and he said sure. I was the second one to get done, so I waited out in the hallway for everyone. I had brought my homemade cookies with me to give out. I was bored so I started eating one. Of course the second I started stuffing my face my crush walked out and tried to talk to me. So I made him eat a cookie too so I didn't feel too stupid. My other friends took forever to come out of the test so he and I sat down in the lounge and waited for them. We talked for about 20 minutes. I know everything about him now. Well, enough anyway. I know he used to play football at Butler where he majored in Chemistry. I know he's originally from Chicago and he now lives on the Upper East Side but can't really afford it (who can!?). I could go on, but I'm sure I'm the only one who cares. Anyway, so my friends finally finished their tests and I went to the bar with them. RL (my crush) stayed behind to wait for his friends. I was already on my 5th drink when he finally showed up at the bar. I think by that point I started pounding the drinks down because I didn't think he was coming. But he did and he sat across from me. I didn't feel that drunk at that point, but looking back on it now I think I was. I was being louder than usual. I hope I didn't annoy him. I do know I made him laugh though, and that makes me extremely happy. The only thing that sucks is that he is flying to Chicago today and won't be back until the end of January. My friends said I should have asked for his phone number anyway. But I didn't see the point. What am I supposed to do? Try and have a long-distance romance with someone I've never even had a date with? I'll see what happens when school starts again. He said something about wanting to run the marathon. Maybe I can get him to be my running partner. AND I got his picture! But I can't upload it until I get back to Brooklyn on Sunday (I'm at my mom's now). Who'd have thought I'd fall for a jock? Actually I sorta dated a jock already who, coincidentally, has the same name as my crush. So nothing has really changed I guess. But at least I'm on more friendly terms with him now and can maybe work my way up to hanging out with him someday. But I'm not worrying about it anymore because there's no point. I'm just gonna enjoy my month away from school. I enjoyed it a little too much yesterday. I think I had 8 screwdrivers and a shot. I can't begin to describe how sick I felt last night. The good thing about drinking so early though is that my hangover was already gone when I woke up this morning. I will never drink that much again. I swear. Not even on New Year's Eve. It's not worth feeling as sick as I made myself get. And I somehow got suckered into lending out both season 1 & 2 of Strangers With Candy. How am I going to survive a whole month without both of those? They better watch that show everyday! 12*22*04 There are only two times that I can think of when I wish I had a boyfriend. One is when I have a crapload of heavy bags and could use a hand carrying them back to my apartment. That has occurred a few times this week. The other would be New Year's Eve. Who the hell am I gonna kiss when the stupid ball drops? I suppose I could kiss the guy next to me. But it's just not the same. This is the first New Year's in 3 years I haven't had a boyfriend. I'm sure I'll manage fine as long as I'm out with friends and drink to the point that the fact that I don't have someone to kiss doesn't bother me. I'm still not sure what I'm gonna do yet. But I guess as long as I get to dress up and dance and drink with friends, I should be fine. So tomorrow is the final day. The day I have my forensic science final, and my final day to make a move with my crush. I feel I'm prepared for my final...more prepared than I am to say something to my crush anyway. I was watching Amelie for the first time in probably a year last week. I kept thinking about how it gets to a point in the movie where you want to slap Amelie for ruining every chance she has to be with the guy she loves. Then I realized I'm doing the same thing. Maybe I need a good slap. So my plan of attack is to ask him if he's busy after the final; if he says no I'll tell him to come get drinks with me and some other people, if he says yes I'll ask him if he'd like to get a drink some other time. Assuming everything goes smoothly and I don't have a nervous seizure, phone numbers will be exchanged at some point. I can think of a million things that could go wrong. But what I'm most worried about is not having the opportunity to at least try to ask him out. I can only see that happening if he gets to the final late. But he seems pretty punctual (and just pretty). Sigh. Hopefully I'll have good news to write about tomorrow. It'd be a nice Christmas present! Keep your fingers crossed. 12*19*04 The Pixies were great last night. They played everything. I was surprised I was one of the only one going nuts when they played Debaser. Though Melissa said I went crazy enough for everyone. Afterwards I had a drink with Melissa and then met up with Jamin, Carlos and a bunch of their friends at Luke and Leroy's. I hadn't planned on going there, but I wanted to dance so bad after the show. I figured as long as I didn't drink too much I could still get everything I wanted to do done the next day. And that seemed to work because I was very productive today! I got my laundry done, went grocery shopping, baked chocolate chip cookies from scratch, painted my bookshelf, cleaned a little bit and I wrapped presents. As cheesy as it sounds, I'm actually feeling somewhat in the holiday spirit now. I have a few more presents to buy, but for the most part I'm all set. I had yet another weird dream last night. It involved me getting drunk, blacking out and waking up with someone else's torso (who had amazing abs and breast implants) and a full body tattoo which was mostly all black with a few lines of normal skin here and there. Then I tried to sue the tattoo artist who did that to me so I could have it removed. I think my subconscious is telling me to get another tattoo :) 12*18*04 Who's gonna see the Pixies in less than three hours? No, not you. Me! Mwhahahaha! I can't decide if I should go out tonight after the concert. If I do I'll most likely not get anything done tomorrow and I already did that today. I got a "new" bookshelf I found in the trash outside and I'd like to paint it tomorrow. Plus I need to do laundry, go grocery shopping, go into Manhattan, blah blah blah.... Maybe it'd be possible for me to go out after the show and try to come home before 2 in the morning. I'll see what I can do. 12*14*04 I just remembered another Japanese movie I've seen--The Seven Samurai. And I actually did like that. But the ratio of weird Japanese movies I've seen to good ones is still higher for the former. I stand by my previous conclusion. 12*14*04 Today was my last day of lab. I spent most of the morning at home waiting for a package that never arrived. Then I finally left to take the subway to Manhattan to hand in my notebooks at school. But when I got to my train station, an MTA construction worker had just been hit and killed by the train I was going to take and all trains stopped running in both directions. See here. You may notice a picture of people waiting on a subway platform all staring at something. One may assume that this was a picture taken at my station and the people are looking at the gruesome accident. But if you look closely, you will notice most people are not wearing their coats and today was freezing. Plus it's an outdoor station. And secondly you may notice most people are dressed circa 1990. And, I assure you, that is not my subway station. Plus one of the guys in that picture is laughing. Most people don't laugh when they're looking at a mutilated corpse. Then again I guess maybe some people do. Yesterday was my last day of work. I am a free woman! Now I have to work full-time at my internship. I'm debating going there tomorrow. I haven't been in two weeks because I was trying to finish all my labs at school. But unfortunately I am sick. So it all depends how I feel when I wake up tomorrow morning. If I stay home, I'll write two reports due the end of this week. If I go to the crime lab, I'll do the same thing but knock off internship hours in the process. Meh. All I'm saying is I better not get strep throat for the millionth time! I'd just like to add that not only am I not getting paid to do my internship, but I am paying $1050 to do it ($350 per credit; internship = 3 credits). That's fucked up. Today was my second to last day to do something about my crush situation. But he wasn't in lab today. So that leaves our final on the 23rd. One more chance. Gotta stop being a wuss. By the way, I watched one of the most digusting movies I've ever seen on Friday night. It was a Japanese movie called Audition. I didn't like it. It reminded me somewhat of another gross Japanese movie called Suicide Club. They both didn't make sense. They both had a person rolling around in a bag at some point in the movie. But it's hard to say which one wins out for most disturbing. Suicide Club: opening scene has 54 school girls commit mass suicide by all jumping at once in front of a subway train. Audition: a man missing his tongue, two fingers and his feet laps up a woman's vomit from a bowl. Tough call. But the thing I liked about Suicide Club was that I could laugh at its absurdity. Audition just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. And although those are probably the only Japanese movies I've ever seen, I've concluded that Japanese cinema is fucked up. 12*12*04 Once again I have wasted almost my entire Sunday being hung over. I went out with Carlos and my friend Jamin last night. We had planned to go to Opaline to dance, but there was a whole bunch of people dressed like Santa there. It freaked me out. Plus it smelled a little bit like vomit inside. But since we all still wanted to dance, we headed over to Luke and Leroy's. It wasn't so bad. I think I left around 4:30. It was better the later it got since it became less crowded and more possible to dance. I went a little nutso when they played The Strokes' Reptilia and everything in my purse flew out onto the ground. I didn't realize until the song was over though and started frantically searching for my phone. Thankfully there are still some honest people left in NYC and one of them had given my phone to the DJ, who then gave it back to me. The rest of the items that fell out were just my makeup. I recovered some of it, but I have to buy the majority of it again. Life lesson: some purses just aren't good to dance with. Unfortunately the later it got, the drunker I got and I started dancing kinda dirty. I just hope there are no incriminating photos floating around. I guess I just go a little crazy with the partying on Saturday nights since it's my only free night to do so during the week. I need to take it easy next week...maybe. I was determined to ask my crush out Thursday. But I was talking to my classmate, Alex, and she dissuaded me. I was telling her how he smiles at me everytime he sees me and I thought that maybe that meant he was interested. She then told me he smiles at her too. I guess he's just a nice guy. Anyway, I was pretty distraught. Friday in lab he sat across from me at my table since he had to use the computer. I was explaining a lab to my friend and I looked up and he was staring at me. When he saw me look at him he smiled at me. I quickly told my friend I didn't know what I was talking about and ran to the other end of the table. His smile makes me weak. Later on he needed help on his lab and I practically ran over to help him. I was explaining to him how to use a chart on a huge poster and pointing at it to show what I was talking about. Then I became very aware that he wasn't looking at the poster, but staring very intently at me. I felt my face grow beet red and I got so embarrassed because I knew he probably saw my face growing red. So I hurried what I was saying and again ran away. What is wrong with me!? Does he like me?! I hate this! And love it at the same time. I think, if I get up the nerve, that I am just gonna tell him I have a crush on him. Then he can do what he wants with that bit of information; whether it be to ask me out, or ignore me. Either way it'll be clear cut for me and I can stop acting like a moron in front of him. Going with the moronic theme Friday, I went to the Time Warner Building after lab to go to Borders. They have rotating glass doors completely surrounded by glass. It was rainy and windy and I was in a hurry to get in and didn't pay attention to where the opening was and walked into the glass encasement instead. The woman behind me told me she does that all the time. I thought that was nice of her. It made me feel less stupid anyway. I'm such a klutz! 12*07*04 I wore my Ugg-type boots today which have absolutely no traction at all. Not the best move on a rainy day. I walked into my subway station and was somewhat sliding around the wet floor. Then I fucking ate it; my feet went out from under me and I landed on my ass with my feet straight out in front of me. There were about 20 construction workers sitting in the waiting area where I fell and they all started hooting at me. I laughed with them because I felt like an idiot. One of them came over to me and helped me up. I just kept thinking, "oh, so it's gonna be one of those kinds of days." The rest of the day wasn't so bad. Actually it was a good lab day since I got most of my work done and it looks like I'll finish all my labs before the semester is over. I was worried that may be a problem. Plus my crush helped me set up my camera and he smiled at me on two other occasions during the day. I've decided to ask him to have a drink with me if a good moment presents itself for me to do so. But now I'm home and the internet has stopped working for some reason. So I'm writing this in notepad and I'll have to copy and paste it onto my website when my internet is fixed. And my goddamned mailman overstuffed my mailbox two days ago and I haven't been able to get the box open since. Tonight I broke my mailbox key trying to get it open. And my roommate didn't get my super to fix it today like I had asked her to. So tonight is going with the tone my big fall this morning set. Bad-good-bad. But I guess all in all my interactions with my crush today made up for everything. And even though I've been spending an inordinate amount of time at lab, I have to say that this is probably the first semester I've gotten to know everyone's names in my class and I really like most of the people. So that's one positive thing about spending every waking minute in school. 12*05*04 One more full week of school left. I've been really stressed out about getting all my labs done in time. I haven't been able to sleep very well because of it. I felt like a zombie in lab yesterday. I even got a craving for brains. I'm growing increasingly panicked about this crush situation. I feel like I should do something drastic within the little time there is left of the semester. I keep hoping to see him outside lab and spark up a conversation which would lead to us going to a bar nearby school or something. But it's just not happening! This is so fucking frustrating. I really don't want to ask him out. But at this point I don't really know how else I'm going to get to know him and make him realize he likes me too. I had a pretty bad hangover for most of today. Courtney and I went to her friend's party in Park Slope last night. It was ok. We basically just talked to each other the whole time. I think last night was the first time I've ever gotten drunk entirely from beer. I don't like the way it makes me feel in the morning. I've been completely useless all day. It's now 5:30 and I've done absolutely nothing. And I had wanted to do things like go food shopping, get a pedicure, go to Target, study, etc. Now the day is almost over. Meh. I've been having really warped dreams the past few nights. Yesterday I dreamt that my teeth turned to goo and all fell out because of the whitening strips I've been using. Then I dreamt that my crush called me while he was a little drunk and, after making small talk, he got really serious and said, "There's something I want to tell you. I really like...." And the fucking phone connection got cut off. And I couldn't get it back and then the dream was over. Today I dreamt I was on a crowded subway car and I left my bag containing a crapload of my belongings on one end of it while I sat in the middle. I kept thinking how dumb it was of me to do, but did it all the same. Then when I went to get my bag, surprise surprise, it had been stolen. The rest of that dream was spent weeping uncontrollably while trying to get someone to help me. Weird. 12*1*04 Today was possibly the worst commuting experience I've ever had. I had to fight my way against rain and wind for 8 blocks to get to my subway station. Then I had to wait for 20 minutes because my train was delayed due to a power outtage. Then my train was delayed all throughout Manhattan because of a derailment that happened at 4 in the fucking morning. Finally I got off the shitty B train and got on the E to Jamaica. My commute took 2 hours. Usually it takes about an hour and a half. Which is still insane. There is a new website called Hopstop.com which is supposed to give directions to any point in NYC for subway, bus and/or walking. But they offered no quicker ways to get me to my internship. I hate that all subway routes are geared towards getting you to Manhattan but not other parts of your borough or to other boroughs aside from Manhattan. MTA is run by fascists! I'm so tired. I'm going to bed shortly. I just watched a documentary called Cinemania. It was about these movie buffs who border on psychotic. And here I thought I was quite the movie fanatic. They see 4 movies in the theater a day. And that's just the icing on the geek-filled cake. One of them was banned from MOMA because she strangled the usher for tearing her ticket in half. Silly maniacs. I'm going to the Alligator Lounge with Courtney again this Saturday night. Free pizza awaits me. As does my bed.
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