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12*29*03 Yay, I finally got my own web space and domain name! It was my brother's Christmas gift to me. Well, he just gave me the money to get it. Since I stayed in today, I decided to go through the long, grueling process of transferring everything over from the angelfire site. No more banners! Tis beautiful, no? So not only was Friday the worst day for me, but the whole weekend turned out to be pretty bad. Since I was told I couldn't get a new phone in NYC because of my NJ number, I drove to NJ on Saturday morning. The place where I had got the phone that broke wouldn't let me get a new phone without my mom's signature even though I was on the account. I was pissed and did my best not to cry as I drove to the mall to see what the Verizon store there had to say. They were extremely nice to me and I got myself a camera phone! As I was driving around Bricktown, it hit me that I had accidentally thrown Jason's Christmas presents away. I wasn't about to drive back to Brooklyn to get them out of the trash. But I figured it was fitting that had happened since my whole weekend was going shitty. Later that night I was driving my car with Rory and Katrina when the check engine light came on. I pulled into a gas station and my car never started again. So I was towed back to my mom's house and stayed surprisingly calm about the whole thing. Sunday wasn't too bad compared to the rest of the weekend. I went clothes shopping with my mom since that was what I wanted for my Christmas present. I didn't find anything so she gave me the money to shop in NYC. Then my brother drove me to the train station and got lost. I made the train with about 2 minutes to spare; leaving me with no time to buy my ticket from the machine, and thereby getting charged an extra $5. Bastards. Then I got home and realized I left my phone charger in Brick, so my new phone is now dead and about as useful as the broken one. On the bright side, after searching though 7 bags of trash outside, I found Jason's presents. Then he came over around 1 in the morning after work and I gave them to him. I hadn't seen him in a whole week! Gasp. I love when he sleeps over. It's nice to wake up with him next to me. I asked him what he's doing for New Year's Eve and he said he didn't know but "we'll figure something out". So, I guess he just figured we'd be spending it together, which is nice since that's what I had wanted. As long I get to dress up and he and I are together, I don't really care what I end up doing. And obviously I chose to forgive and forget as far as the whole Friday incident with Jason was concerned. I'm proud of myself; I'm usually really bad with holding grudges. 12*26*03 Worst day ever. Well, worst day in a long time. My cell phone broke, causing me to lose all my phone numbers and leaving me completely phoneless. I feel weird. Then Jason cancelled plans with me because he didn't realize he had to work tonight. Now, this may not have been a big deal if we both hadn't made such a big deal about seeing eachother tonight and riding our bikes in critical mass and exchanging presents. I woke up early just to lug my bike all the way to work with me. Then, an hour and a half before I got off of work, Jason cancelled on me. So, since I had no phone, I couldn't really make calls to make other plans. Plus most people had already made plans for the night. Anyway, after being denied a phone by a Verizon store since I got mine in NJ, and having to lug my bike all the way back home, I didn't feel much like going out. I believe this is the second or third time Jason has made plans with me and forgot he already had other plans, forcing him to cancel with me. I didn't expect him to get out of work for me, but I did expect him to check his schedule. How hard is that? My night was completely fucked because of him. I'm so disappointed. I don't know how I should go about handling this. Either I can forgive and forget, be pissed and then forgive with the possiblity of forgetting, or just call the whole thing off. I really can't explain how shitty this day was for me. Granted my cell phone breaking wasn't his fault. But I know it wouldn't have been such a big deal if we had hung out as planned. So I think I'm just gonna head over to New Jersey tomorrow afternoon. I'm painting my mom's banister for her Christmas present. Speaking of Christmas, mine was pretty dull. On the plus side I got a B in instrumental analysis. 12*21*03 I remember a point in my life when I'd actually study for upcoming tests, even if it was last minute. I have now surpassed that point and am writing this instead of studying for my Biochemistry final I have tomorrow morning. And for those of you who can't guess, a Biochemistry test is not something you can just wing. Sooo, yeah...I'm screwed. After my test, I have to do all my Christmas shopping. My mom let me borrow some money last week. I hadn't asked her for it, but she offered it and I really would like to get people presents, so I didn't decline the offer. Being in massive amounts of debt is not fun. Especially when it's to people I know and not just the government. Last week I had decided to put some space between Jason and I. I was afraid I was coming on too strong and things would fizzle. Anyway, that lasted about a day and then we hung out Friday night and last night. What can I say? I'm nuts about the boy. We met up at a bar I was at with Rachael and her friends on Friday night. We migrated a few places and ended up at the same bar where I kicked his ass at pool. The song I've been trying to figure out the name of since the summer came on while we were there. I got all excited and went to run to the jukebox, but Jason told me who it was as I was in mid-sprint: Queens of the Stone Age-No One Knows. Anyway, since I was kinda drunk, I thought it was all very symbolic. The song I'd been searching for since the summer (the same time I was dating a lot with no luck whatsoever), I had finally found while with Jason and he knew what it was. I know I'm reading way too into that, but I'm sure someone besides me can appreciate the semi-significance of it all. I'm so terrified of getting involved with someone and getting hurt again. But I'm pretty much already involved, so I'm just gonna have to deal with the risks now. Not that Jason's my boyfriend; we haven't actually decided anything yet. I had said I wanted to hold off on that. Now I don't know. I used to think that having a boyfriend was just a title--that it didn't actually change anything. I was wrong though; it changes everything. And that doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing, it just has been in my experience. I just don't want to start getting my panties all in a twist about trivial things I wouldn't have given a rat's ass about before the relationship started. I don't want things to go sour and start fighting. And while I feel like this is most likely inevitable, I think that Jason may be worth the risk. Only one way to find out. 12*18*03 I've been super busy trying to get my shit together with school. I took one final this morning and I have two more to go next week. I'm pooped. I'm so glad this semester is almost over. Too bad it's not my entire college career. I don't know how I would have got through it without the help of my friend J Sara. I should buy her a christmas present. There's a lot of people I'd like to buy presents for, I just don't have the money. I wish I was more crafty, then I'd just make everyone some neat little knickknack they couldn't use. I'm down in the dumps. I guess because the holidays are coming up and I've been feeling so stressed out with school and whatnot. Plus I'm getting super paranoid with this whole Jason situation. It's scarey to know that someone can just stop liking you at any given moment. It's happened to me before, so I know that's always a possibility. And instead of just living in the moment, I'm letting myself get consumed by my doubts and fears. I don't know why I always do this. I need a vacation. I should start one of those PayPal donation crap things so I can go to Viva Las Vegas again next year. Yeah...I'd never do that. That's the gin and tonic talking. Speaking of which, the tonic water I used to make this has been sitting in my fridge for at least a year. It's lost a bit of its bubbly. Bah. I don't have anything else to write about. 12*07*03 I am the laziest person on the planet. I've done absolutely nothing today, and I plan on doing the same thing up until I go to sleep. It's just been one of those days (for the entire semester). I got pretty drunk last night at a party with Jason. I had two white russians, two cups of wine, cranberry and vodka, and a screwdriver. So needless to say, I was feeling a little ill towards the end of the night. Jason was a good sport though and helped me walk to the subway. I'm not one to kiss and tell, but let's just say my haven't-been-kissed-since-August streak is now over. Jason and I have hung out practically every day since Wednesday. He's really sweet. Plus we have a lot in common. I was randomly looking at Rob's profile on myspace.com before and thinking how we really have nothing in common at all. I don't know how we ever ended up together. Not that it matters now, but it was just an observation. Anyway, so I like Jason a whole lot and I hope things don't get fucked up. And that's my cheerful disposition on the matter. This is my last full week of school. I'm so friggen happy. But I really haven't put any effort at all into school this entire semester, so when it's over, things won't be that much different. In any case, not having it loom over my head for a bit is nice. I have two friends who are finishing college for good this semester. I'm extremely jealous of them. I want out! I want a full-time job so I can stop being broke, and I don't want to take any more tests! Hopefully over winter break Rachael and I are gonna take a weird New Jersey road trip and attempt to scare ourselves. I also got us tickets to see Henry Rollins' spoken word at the end of January. I'm excited about that. But not as excited as I am about cleaning cat shit in a few minutes.
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